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I hope you know that I do care about you. It just might not be in the way you wish for me to. You've told me many times. You like me. "Why can't we date?", you ask. I've answered that question often. Maybe I don't answer fully enough. Maybe you don't believe me because I am not mean to you when I say it, like others are. I wish you knew that you didn't deserve to be treated that way.
To be honest, your confessions make me uneasy. They become more and more casual with each passing year. There is something I have never told you. I don't think you like me. Honestly, I think you like the idea of being in a relationship. I am scared that if I say this to you, you will assume it is my only reason for turning you down. That all the other stuff is just fluff to get you off my back. It's not.
You stuck by my side when other friends turned their back to my pain. You noticed when my smile faded into the abyss and tried to retrieve it back for me. But there is this part of me which wonders if you would have done the same for someone you didn't think you had feelings for. I question our friendship eternally.
I wish we could just stay friends without the other feelings or expectations attached to it. I genuinely want to know you for the rest of my life. I can't wait to see you fall in love with an amazing and caring girlfriend, and eventually get married. Can't wait to see you become a dad. You deserve so much, and I just wish you could see it.
I worry lately. I might have to let you go. I might have to call it quits. I want you to move on from this. I want to move on from this. I don't want to stay friends if it means you will forever be waiting for an in to a greater relationship with me. I know it doesn't seem like it, but I just want you to be happy. On your own.
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