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It would be so easy for someone to save me
1 year ago · 3
180
My life is a near total vacuum and has been this way for about 5 years. It’s mostly because of where I live, out in the middle of nowhere, because I can’t afford to move back to the city. And as every psychology book will tell you, isolation is the trigger for depression, self-doubt (hate), suicide and all that fun stuff that consumes my head. When you live in total isolation, your existence is meaningless. You’re the proverbial tree that falls in a forest where nobody is there to hear you. Or for you Shakespeare fans… “sound and fury signifying nothing.”
That’s why it would be so easy for someone to save me from this spiral. So easy but theres no one who knows or cares. All I need is a meaningful interaction with another person to remind me I exist, because I sure don’t have any other proof. I mean something more than the casual “How are you” “How’s the weather” conversations with strangers that end just as abruptly as they start. But I’m not demanding anything big either. I’m not looking for a bff or a superhero saviour.
About 2 months ago someone on an art website messaged me and said they liked my art and asked if I wanted to collaborate. That gave me the best & most real feeling I’ve had in years. It wasn’t a pitying “Are you ok” but it was something that reminded me that maybe I am actually valuable in the world, if a total stranger asked me to join a project. I said yes of course, and we worked on it a couple weeks until it became too big for just 2 people to handle. So we stopped, and now the emptiness is closing in on me again.
But you see what I’m saying—how easy it would be for someone to save me? That person wasn’t even trying, has no idea how hopeless & suicidal I am. But just a simple impersonal interaction like working together on a dumb art project gave me the will to live, for a while.
Isolation kills. Isolation is easy to break, but it takes at least 2 people. If you’re stuck in the middle of nowhere with nothing but trees as company, it’s just a matter of time before you vanish without a sound.
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You exist.
ReplyYou’re not completely isolated if someone asked if you’re okay. Your focus is isolation, while someone let you know they’re with you.
ReplyIf you go to shops to do your shopping talk to people there and if you keep doing this you will have acquaintances to chat with. I have done this and have many people to chat and have conversations with including the women on the checkouts.
Reply