What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
If you are in crisis and need immediate help, please call 1-800-273-8255 (NSPL) or text HOME to 741741 (Crisis Text Line). More resources.
I'm an autistic man, 27 and grown. My first dad, Robert, is schizophrenic and alone. he really seems to like me, obsessive as it stands, he says I will stand in revelation with Jesus fighting hand in hand. He trained me through his torture beatings were not enough, if I were to fight lucifer I would have to be really tough. He burned my skin with welding rods to make me fireproof, he tests my strength by holding my hands to the stove. He takes my swing set to a field to target practice and take off the iron sights 300 yards and no food until the square go's boooom. He puts me in a bathtub and makes me lay in jelly, the petroleum makes me sick and I cant stand the feeling. Not knowing the disability had existed he thought my aversion to this texture was a weakness we could not tolerate, he told me all about my mom and how much her vagina grew since the last "date". All throughout these memories I only experienced during the summers, I had a chance at a real dad back with my mom during the schoolyears. But even though that chance was there it still resulted in sadness, for nothing I ever did would be good enough until he saw me graduate and even then i felt only rage for this is what it took for affection?? He spent my whole childhood telling me to go outside or be quiet. That didn't change when mom and he had their first child, for Ethan would turn out to be his favorite golden child. I go undiagnosed till 22 and still have to convince him that my mental health was not normal even when i was a child. He for some reason always assumed that I just had to be lying, i could not have real problems that would make him a problem. We finally get to a point where we understand I'm mentally dying, then it becomes a huge win for him to pay for my therapeutic doctor, that wont last because I'm grown and have my own income, he clearly cant see that it made me think he cared. don't forget my little brother whos feeling some depression, he gets help and nurturing and is listened to by the fire. Even when I'm getting married my brothers speech is him admitting to being suicidal, that of course is met by me with "its okay" a hug and a reminder "don't forget to love yourself behind all the pressure" that's then met with serious help from my stepdad and of course its because he's always wiser. Where were you for me I say and he's angry I no longer admire. Next my brother turns 16 and dad buys him a BMW, that stings a little since I was forced to accept a truck from my grandpa who raped my mother. Its obvious to me who matters more and because of that I'm a narcissistic liar. I just want to be equal to the others born around me, I want to feel like I have a dad who tries to actually inspire. Nonetheless i walk this earth a man fatherless with two fathers.
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
It's never just the house...
There's the land, the appraisal, the second appraisal, the extra parcel of land, etc... it's trying to be just as expensive as the house itself... damn near the...
-
Where did the time go?
I just got used to being 15 and now ur telling me I'm turning 16 next month? Wtf? Its a sureal feeling. I feel like Im in a dream. I've always thought about wha...
Let me start by saying I am not a parent, but I have had MANY step parents and I have been the least important to all of them compared to my siblings. Please get away from the abuse, if you are still there!! Go to a safe friend or family or police ID you have to. Things WILL get better. Please don't let the autistic diagnose make you think you can't do what anyone else can. The fact that you found this site amd posted...you are amazing. I was.not as brave as you and almost lost everything. Parents SUPER suck but your real family can be the ones you make yourself with friends. Find someone who makes you the most important in their life and they're yours. My husband hates my family for how they treat me, but remindes me I am his number 1. Your number 1 is out there and so is yours. Have faith and be open. It took me a year as my BFF to realize who number 1 was. It sounds like you are married and THEY are your family and #1. Please please know that you got this and are stronger then 99% of people out there.
Reply