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Hi, I'm a 20 year old ordinary girl. I have no idea where to start. I am in a 4 month relationship. We met last year and were really good friends. My relationship is has started to go downhill since last 2 weeks and has been affecting me greatly. I belong to a family that was abusive (mental) whereas he is from a healthy household. I agree that I have a lot of issues and am hard to handle. I really need a lot of reassurance at times. I suffer from depression and anxiety. Before I met him, I had a guy best friend, who actually is my life saver. I've had numerous suic*de attempts and he was the only one who talked me through it. He literally means a lot to me. Now my boyfriend says that he dosen't like it when he calls and when we talk for hours. My guy friend literally calls me once in 4-5 months and thats the reason why we talk for 2-3 hours. I have no idea how to tackle this problem and there is one definite thing that i dont wanna give up on this relationship....... I am confused ....
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Tell your bf that this friend has been a rock and true friend to you for a long time and someone you care about in a plutonic way. Like family. Ask them what they're worried about and make them feel safe. But don't stop being friends with your friend because he will still be there long after the bf. I say this because if this is a conversation and tension at the 4 month mark, there will be plenty more to come.
ReplyThere should be a conversation with your boyfriend about the truth that you can't just leave your guy best friend for what he has done, and it can be very tricky and prone to small mistakes when talking about it. The important things are in the particulars, so no one in the world can provide you with a magic map of how to do it perfectly. Do it badly and don't be afraid to stumble upon mistakes.
Think of it this way, if a healthy mature discussion about it turns out to be carried out well, there's almost a guarantee that your relationship can tackle another difficulty in the future just by having a discussion. And that's a romantic feature that is very important! Don't fear being confused, do it confused. Good luck!
ReplyThanks a ton for the advice. I tried talking to him, confused. Well idk if it worked out or not but he seems better now. I was at the library with him when my guy friend texted me. He asked me to name a good and a bad thing about him. He likes to play small games like this. I texted him back saying the best thing about him was his patience. My boyfriend saw that and instantly said that he lacked patience. I told him that he did lack patience but was understanding too. I talked to him, told him how much he means to me. We talked about it for 30 min ig, he cried a bit, but from then he seems pretty happy. Seeing him smile made me happy too.
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