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This is my final letter to you. This is a release that must happen. Although no response will come of it, it will be. Hear it deep in whatever dark soul you may have left.
Burn the Letters.
Blow out the Lanterns.
Rage fills the hole where my heart used to be and overflows into my veins. Every part of me wants to scream out in anguish.
Honesty was your favorite illusion. Manipulation was your favorite tactic.
"Whether i was leading you on on purpose, I still dont know. I regret saying I love you. I didnt mean it. I did what I wanted. I wanted to show you how a future partner should treat you. Someone who actually wants to spend their life with you."
You pretended for so long...leading me on and lying to teach me some sick lesson for your own gain.
Vicious lies set my eyes ablaze and I no longer see that beautiful soul I once knew. All that is left in front of me is a soulless shell prepared to cause as much damage as possible.
You deserve an Oscar for your performance. To be able to lie and pretend so convincingly...you must be proud. So many unanswered questions. Such a sudden decision. There must be someone else. Or maybe you pretended the entire time.
Was it fun? Did it feel good to fool me? To open my heart and toy with it like the hands of a clock. I gave you my key for you to run away in fear after I've been struck down. And you feel no remorse...
"I need you."
"I'm tryna get you."
"I can feel myself falling in love with you. It's a good feeling. I'm so happy."
"As long as I'm with you, I'll be happy. I'll come see you and maybe get an apartment."
"I love you so fucking much."
"If I didn't wanna be here, I wouldnt."
"I would never hurt you like that."
"I wouldn't lie to you."
"You're special to me..."
"That's my baby mama"
"It hurt me to see that I hurt you...ill do better. I almost lost the one thing I truly care for because I was scared. I love you so fucking much."7
"I'd never let anyone hurt you."
"Let someone else take care of you for a change."
"You don't have to be masculine around me...you can trust me."
"I love you"
"I love you..."
"I love you."
"I love you!"
Your words seep into my skin like venom and course through my body. Burning every nerve ending.
I look you in your eyes and ask for honesty. For reassurance.
Having opened up and become so vulnerable. So comfortable. So drunk on what I thought was love. Falling for your sweet words and your passions.
"I like you."
I hear your voice call from the top of that building. I jumped. You promised we would jump together. Fall into new experiences together. No matter how long it took to prepare, I was ready for the ride...
You watched my body hit the pavement. And smile in satisfaction. Another lesson to learn. Another tally in your books.
Rage turns to anger. Anger to sadness. Sadness to disappointment.
I've allowed myself to be lied to and used once again.
Broken promises were never common in my book. Now as I write I renew an old promise to myself.
The countdown on my life begins. The clock ticks away in my chest. There's nothing left of me.
To ash I'll return. From dust to dust.
To spend my time in loathing and grief will be my last moments wasted. I'll thrive. I'll enjoy what time I have left.
This is my final letter to you. This release is needed. For the first time...I've grown to hate someone.
The Oscar goes to that cherry blossom in the wind that flew too close to the flames.
I don't wish you well. I can't. There's no kindness left in the husk that you left behind...the walls are covered in ash and papers are scattered across the floor. I spent the night screaming at the moon and begging for an answer.
Once my throat had gone hoarse, I stood by the water and grimaced at the reflection of the moon. Plunging my hand into my chest, I ripped out what was left of my heart and threw it as far as it could go. I painted the sky with my blood and set the sea ablaze.
I want you to know this pain.
Burn the letters.
Blow out the lanterns.
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I like your writing. I agree that Rage>Anger>Sadness does seem to be the correct…decay. Although as I have gotten older I have determined that it seems more like it was just sadness in most cases, and that sadness caused me ire.
I would suggest an edit, there is little meaning to blowing out a lantern, well it suggests that you are only giving up for today. I would destroy the lanterns, I don't know if you have heard Razia's Shadow, but that would be my basis for that decision.
I would recommend that you read The Invisible Life of Addie La Rue, but be wary, as it may contain words which hurt you. I would also recommend you stay from any high places. Love does not require pain, perhaps understanding, or growth do. - JG
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