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I hate having to worry about finances. I'm still a kid, I shouldn't have to. But I do.
My mom cries and talks to me about it, I'm the only one there is to talk to about it. I like to be in know but it's so scary when she tells me sometimes she can't look at the bills and she recently missed a cutoff notice. I'm glad the winters are so cold here. The electric company literally can't shut off the power and heat. But when my mom just admits to me about not knowing how she's gonna pay these things I just want to cry.
We already have as much as the government is willing to give and we're still struggling. I can't even get a job in hopes of having a little more money because it might lower government funds thanks to another member of the household having a job.
I just want to not worry about if we'll get through winter or if our house smells like garbage because we can't afford the bill. I don't want to come home from school somedays to find the power out because we couldn't afford it. I don't want to feel bad asking my mom for essentials because we can't buy them with food stamps. I don't want to worry every month when I need a new bus pass because $8 is sometimes too much.
I know it's hard on my mom, but what about me? I know I'm being so incredibly selfish but I don't want to feel this way anymore.
I just want it all to be okay, it never will be
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It's okay, you're not selfish. You're a human being who is naturally drawn to resources that contribute to your survival. You should tell your mother that finances put a weight on your shoulders as well. I understand you want to be in the know, it's anxiety-inducing to not know what's going on around you, but you deserve a break sometimes too. Like you said, you're just a kid. I know that college isn't the only option, but as long as you stay on the right track, however old you are or if you're even in school, you can qualify for many scholarships, especially because you're low-income. It may be far away, or it may be close, but you have that to look forward to. If not knowing what you'll do in the future, you'll pay little to no tuition and be provided with essentials. I really do hope everything works out for you and your mother.
ReplyIt will be one day. When you're finished school and can get a job with skills that will build your job prospects further again, you'll see. But until then I get it's harder. Can't you work out for sure IF you can get a job without impacting payments? Can you move somewhere cheaper or make side hustle money in some way?
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