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I hate myself, and I wish I didn't. I am so tired of pretending that I ok when I'm not. I'm not sure how much longer I can go like this, fake it til you make it right? But what if I never make it? I try so hard to be the best version of myself, but all I want is to be comfortable in myself and what I do. I really do feel like I need to be positive for the people around me. I have already put them through alot that they did not ask for. I know they love me, but I do not feel like I deserve the love. Nevertheless I know that's not how it works, but how can I accept other people's love for me, when I don't even love myself. I feel like I need to cry in secret because they wouldn't understand my pain, and the things going on I my head. I know this is a "normal" feeling, but when it's followed you your entire life it's no longer a feeling but a lifestyle. Something you get used to, which sounds sad I know, but I'm not sure it's that bad, I mean I'm very Intune with my emotions and everything I feel, I feel strongly. This is often an inconvenience mostly because I think it scares people away. I try to be unapologetically myself, but it's hard when you get burned. I think it's like when you burn yourself on the stove, now you know that it's hot and hurt so you don't do it again. You don't think it's the stove that there's something wrong with. I feel the same, it's not the other people, it's me.
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Love is an outward feeling so don't love yourself. Accept yourself.
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