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ok so earlier my mom was making some sort of note about my sisters body and she 9 wtf i asked her to sop then she just whispered it instead like it was high school gossip and it remined me of 2 summers ago when iwas 12 a memory which i guess i just repressed it until now it starts with me my mom and my grandma in the are going t pick my then 14 year old cousin Kate up from synchronized swimming and theyre talking about her nd my headphoes dided but i kept them on for comfort im guessing they didnt know that so they started sayinghow kate had gone on a diet her coach reccomended i dont recall what its called but it cut out A LOT of foods and my mom was saying shit like "im saying this because i love her but she could stand losing a few pounds just for her health yk?" and its not like shes overweight at 14 she was at most 120lbs but then my gfrandma sid " oh shes actually lost a couple pounds already im proud of her" sent shivers down my spine... i wrote in my diary about it and i still have that journal i feel so fucking guilty you wouldnt believe cause y what happend last week? my aunt called and said kate was instituted foran eating disorder because WHO WOULD HAVE FUCKING GUESSED?!?!? thing is kate trusted me and i didnt say anything what is wrong with me i could have helped her i was the first person her mom called im so mad at myself i havent seen her since that summer though we live on opposite sides of the world sadly but recently i saw a facebook picture of her and i felt physicaly sick she was so skinny i could see her ribs how did they; no we not see the signs earlierit was so blatently obviouse ive been feeling guilty but i havent told anyone about that one car ride im not even sure if my mom remembers but i just had to get this off my chest
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You shouldn't have anything to feel guilty about. It was your mom and grandma that seemed to push her on the road to an eating disorder. You didn't know how to handle it so don't beat yourself up for it. I feel for your sister. You can however support her now through social media anyway. If it bothers you that bad why don't you just tell her what happened. You can still try to be there for her support wise through social media or however you communicate.
ReplyI would not recommend telling your cousin about the conversation (previous comment). It will do no good for her recovery, and could possibly trigger more ed thoughts. I have an eating disorder and if someone told me people thought I needed to lose weight at X pounds, I would never want to be X pounds again even if it was a healthy weight. You had no control over any of this and it is not your fault. Her coach and guardians recommended and allowed the diet. You both are only young teenagers, and I don't believe there is anything you could have said or done to have prevented her eating disorder especially if you live so far apart. Please please don't feel guilty. I would hate if my sister or cousin somehow felt responsible for my ed. πππ
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