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1 month ago, I found my husband of 3 years texting another woman late at night. I thought it was strange, and when I brought it up, I learned that it was a woman dating a man in a group of friends he had made 3 weeks prior on an online streaming app. She would text them late at night talking about their relationship problems apparently. I let it go, thinking it was simply innocent. I was upset and voiced that to him. I said he made it weird by making friends with another woman and he deleted the app they met on. A month later, he fell asleep prior to setting an alarm for work. I went to set it on his phone and saw the same app on his phone that he said he deleted. I opened his phone and went to his call log and a handful of many calls from Snapchat to someone named rainbow. Naturally, I went to Snapchat and saw that he sent a naked picture the night prior to me seeing this from our bathroom while I was sleeping. There were messages about how much she made him laugh more than anyone else could. I kicked him out and went and stayed with my mom the next few nights. I was broken and lonely because for years he wouldn't have sex with me and told me that he just wasn't a sexual person. He eventually told me he cut off all contact with her, cried to me so much, and told me his phone was completely open for me to look through and got me a bunch of gifts and told his mom what happened. I forgave him. In my mind, everyone deserves one major fuck but warned him that I will leave if it happens again. He said she was the only one, and that he never sent her money or gifts. I went back home 2 weeks prior to Christmas, we went and renewed our vows last week where he apologized profusely for lying and we started having sex daily, and it was great until it wasn't. I went through his phone a few nights ago and found out the original woman who was part of his friend group with relationship problems had texted him after I came back. They sent hearts back and forth and told each other they missed one another she had texted him late at night and he told her not to because "my wife is sleeping next to me". He had deleted the messages, but I archived them because I felt something was off, which is how I found them. Before I confronted him, I dug a little more and found out that he lied and he sent the woman he sent nudes to money, Christmas gifts, and so much more after he said he didn't. He also has an only fans account, where he pays people to send videos, pics, etc., and a lot of the girls I know, one being my cousin and another my aunt. He has also been talking to women on Snapchat, Instagram, and so much more behind my back. He messaged a girl I went to high school with and sent her over $400 for naked videos/ pictures. they've been talking for a while until he realized she's a drug addict (which is a known fact throughout the whole town). He admitted to spending over 1500 on naked pictures and videos for other women since 2020. Since 2020, I've cried to him over 4 times about the fact that we don't have sex and he either said he was never really into sex or it's his medication. Right now, I'm staying with my parents. I'm leaving my job in a week to go full-time at school with the promise that we would use his and my saved money in the meantime. He got the girl he sent naked pictures to flowers, chocolate, and a teddy bear door, and dashed to her house on the other side of the country a month prior to last week for Christmas. I came home 3 weeks prior to Christmas and he got me nothing. I'm torn and I feel stupid bc a part of me thinks that through couples therapy we can work this out, but the other part hates him and I don't know how many times he needs to show me that he doesn't care about me or love me. All the things he's been doing with another woman, I would have loved to have done for him, but I wasn't an option to him. I am unsure of what to even do at this point. I don't want to restart my life because I wasn't planning on doing so. After 7 years (we met when we were 19) he's my everything. I don't have friends, and I don't want to tell anyone because I'm embarrassed. Typing all of this out, I feel like I know my solution, but I feel like I'm lost. I'm 26, a freshman in college, about to have no job, and am living at my parent's house. My cat and dog can't come here because my parents have a cat that is unfriendly. Sorry if this is all over the place, but please, any advice is appreciated.
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You are young enought to start again.
ReplyThis is horrible, I can't imagine how much it hurts to be betrayed TWICE by a person who effortlessly lies to you while squandering your money on creepy stuff. I think you gave him every chance but he consistently shows his deceit. Unfortunately yes you've essentially spent 7 years of your life with the wrong person, but if you leave now at least you'll be saving yourself 50 more years of it.
If I had any advice to give I'd say dedicate yourself to your studies, make friends at college in study groups or even just socializing, take your mind off this terrible man by focusing on your future.
ReplyYou did right miss. Guys like that don’t see what they have in front of them. They just want to fill their urges elsewhere while keeping a title. You’re 26 and still young. There are plenty of people out there who I am sure would be lucky enough to have you. Be friends with you. Have a bond with you. You did right. Rather you stuck up for yourself than to hide behind wrongdoings and not being true to yourself. I applaud you for that. This is coming from a 29 year old male.
Replythank you, those words mean a lot.
ReplyYou’re very much welcome. Stay strong and keep your head up. Be around good company.
ReplyThis is a very complicated situation considering your financial situation and studies, it also sounds like your husband is the one who is providing in this relationship. I think you should seek out advices from your parents and I recommend not staying with someone who continues to cheat and waste money on sexual content. But it's complicated the fact you're both depending on him, you should definitely find a job to provide for yourself and continue saving money.
ReplyYOU ARE OK.
Please leave him for your own betterment. You are too young to waste your prime life with a lair. He will never change. You do deserve better and will find more. I too was lied and betrayed by someone like this. They wont ever improve as long as you keep forgiving them. Your sorries and kiss them will allow them to forget about their mistakes. It wont make them change, just pretend it never happen. They will always tell people they messed up. but deep down, they will do it again if given a chance. They are just waiting for everyone to forget.
You deserve more and will get more, as long as you focus on yourself. Take back your life and your choices. It wont be easy, but you will be far more happy. Versus living with someone that hurt you and you will think they might again. No need to wake up and have to baby/monitor an adult that cant take responsibilities.
ReplyEverytime I say this it gets cut....but take this too heart cause its the truth. Men are just like dogs!!! We are all stupid leg humpers, I don't care what any other man says!! To keep us in the yard means full bellies and empty nuts!! If someone throws a bone over that fence, no matter how nasty or fat, dogs gonna chew that bone, just the way it is, not being a jerk or an asshole.....men are hunter gatherers in they're DNA, to provide and multiply. Many will disagree, but in truth.....I swear too it.
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