Thoughts about him...

When I was in middle school I had a crush on this guy in my class. He was one of those good looking popular boys at the school. Back then I was still a kid and in the following years I grew up and started getting insecure about my looks. I'd always had a crush on him and the years that followed we actually became friends. Maybe we weren't best friends but we still talked. The first interaction we had was in 7th grade when the teacher put us next to each other. I was so nevous that I couldn't even turn in his direction, but eventually I got more comfortable and we talked. We used to laugh a lot and talk about pop-culture, because we were both interested in this topic. As you could imagine my feelings for him grew stonger, but I wasn't the only one who liked him. As I mentioned previously he was pretty popular so a lot of people knew him and a lot of girls had a crush on him. Anyways at the end of middle school we said goodbye and I never saw him again, except one last time in highschool. But after that I moved and never heard of him or saw him again. After all these years I can't seem to forget about him. Anytime I think of a guy he comes to mind. I've always wanted to talk to him more and get to know him, but back then I was kinda childish and embrassing. But now having grown up I would love to meet him once again and ask what he thought about me back then, did he also have a crush on me? Did he find me annoying?

Sometimes when I get reminded of him I think I may be obssesd, I don't know, am I? Why can't I just get over him. I mean I don't even know him that well, for all I know he's probably an asshole player who breaks hearts, but is that all he is? See these are the thoughts I have. He's the only guy I've ever felt like this for. Since then I haven't had a crush on ANYONE. FOR 4/5 YEARS. I don't know what to do I just want to get over him. I always think that I like the version of him that's in my head and I'm pretty sure if I talk to him ever again I'll lose all these feelings and get over him.

But nevetheless I can't help but wonder if he ever like me too or if he thought that I was pretty?

But that's all...I hope to get over him soon and I hope he's not the first guy that comes to mind when I listen to love songs or picture myself with...

Maybe in the next lifetime...