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I feel like I have lived enough and my life doesn't make any sense anymore
1 year ago · 3 · Need Advice, +4
462
I'm almost 22 and I know I'm Young and I should live my life the best I can but I can't... My father died when I was 20, He had cancer and I knew He wouldn't have survived much at 17. At 19 I was the happiest person in the world outside, because when I was at home He used to scream because of the pain, I couldn't sleep at night because I heard him and the house was full of doctors. I couldn't accept He was dying, even the day I saw him in the coffin... I was hoping He could open his eyes. Even with all of this I could see the good in everything, I laughed for everything and I was starting to go out with my friends more. Then I met my first boyfriend and everything was so new and happy, I started to make experiences I didn't do in my teenage and now I should be happy because I have him and I started a new school but for some reason I don't feel anything anymore.
I feel like this for months and I don't know why. It started with panic attacks and now everything around me is grey. I don't care if I am with my friends and We're having a good evening or if I am with my boyfriend. I don't find anything funny or special anymore, I feel like I'm wasting my Youth and I'm afraid. Today I had a panic attack for this and I don't want to... Do someone know how to recover the will to live? And why did I lost it? I was so happy at 19, I was putting of the fact I had to accept my dad was dying, I ignored that... Did I broke myself? I can't feel any emotion anymore and I'm afraid, what should I do? Thank You
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If you're comfortable with it you could talk to a grief counselor or therapist to openly talk about your feelings and how you view your life right now. I would say one of the best things to do is cry, give yourself time to grieve and be honest with yourself. Loss hurts and I've found it easier to just let myself sit down and even if tears don't come out when I feel like crying to just mourn and replay happy moments in my mind over and over again. doing that has helped me to want to live a little longer, thinking of the life of a person that you lost is depressing but it helps. memories from those people will help you to hang on and enjoy happy moments you experience. the hardest thing to do is move on, it hurts so bad but I've learned that if I slowly say goodbye to old memories of people I've lost that I will feel happier and more like myself. Another thing is you will never stop grieving, it's realistic to expect happy moments and then you'll be hit with something that sparks a memory and then sends you into an emotional spiral. Take deep breaths, try and occupy yourself with something to pass time, exercise a little, take a step outside and admire the clouds and sky, try and rest more, think of what has been on your mind and if you can slowly think of something else. It also helps to write your feelings down, that has helped me to eliminate lots of sadness and overwhelming feelings of weight on my shoulders.
ReplyThank You so much, I'm gonna do that for sure^^ I began with simple things, for example I discovered my hair is wavy like my father. I'm taking care of my hair to be a little more like him and this makes me feel happy <3
ReplyI'm sorry for your loss ❤️ You're grieving ❤️ you just don't realise. Grief can be very complicated. You've had a really traumatic period of time over your fads diagnosis, illness and his passing. It makes sense that you're having panic attacks because you have been pushing away negative feelings and just seeing the good everywhere. Negative feelings are still there, they're just now coming out in bursts like panic attacks.
1st thing to do, speak to a school counselor or psychologist. Not just once but repeatedly. The 2nd thing is to be more honest with those around you about how you feel. 3. Be honest with yourself and try and recognise when you're starting to panic. 4. Put in place some ways that help you reduce or cope when you have a panic attack. Breathe thru a straw, sit on your own somewhere where nobody can hear you. Talk yourself thru it. Play a silly mobile game. Listen to a particular song.
You may find it helpful to keep a diary so you can try and identify what brings on the feelings of panic.
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