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I'm in love with my best friend and can't tell her. Since I was a kid I knew what I liked. I didn't know the terms back then but I knew that I liked both girls and boys. I met my best friend during a hard time in my life and I grew attached quickly. Over time it grew into more than just a crush. But there was one problem, she's not gay. I even admitted it to her in a passive way during high school. "I used to have a crush on you." To which she said I know, but never acknowledged it again. Over time I thought I got over it and moved on to torturing myself in other ways. After high school, I moved out of state for a couple of years and while I was away she told me she had a girlfriend. Of course, it hurt, but I shrugged it off. Everyone kept asking if I was okay with her being in relationships, which yeah I was fine, I was over it. She eventually broke up with her girlfriend because "she realized she wasn't actually gay." I thought it good for her for discovering herself. Since I've moved back into town, she's been on a couple of dates but no other relationships. Slowly I found myself being stuck between do I love my best friend or am I in love with my best friend? And it wasn't until she found me at my job and told me she had a girlfriend that I figured out my answer. I only hung out with them together a couple of times but my heart shattered the first time I saw the two of them kiss. I actually had to turn away. Not that they noticed. Unfortunately for them, their relationship didn't last that long and now my best friend and I are both single. So now instead of questioning whether it not I'm in love with my best friend, I'm questioning whether or not I should risk telling her. She's really the only friend I have and I'm afraid that if I tell her it's going to ruin everything. I can't talk to her about it because it's about her and I just don't know what to do. Our personalities work great for a friendship but I'm scared that a relationship between us would end horribly. I'm stressed about it all the time. I seriously don't know what to do.
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Because when you told her that you had a crush on you and she didn't show you any extra interest it looks like you aren't her type for romance. You can ask her if she would be interested in being in a relationship with you but as she has been with other girls and overlooked you It looks like staying as friends would be better. To lessen the stress concentrate on finding someone else.
ReplyMiddle aged here.
We have to understand these events will unfold differently for each of us as there are far too many variables at play but, I can say that I've had a handful of relationships end where, to this day, we are still very good friends.
I hear enough people speak to this so it absolutely has to be "a thing", but I've never experienced, nor have I ever known anyone to break up with someone and then not continue to be friends.
This is all with regard to friends dating friends, though. I absolutely know folks who met someone, they went on a few dates, things didn't go well, they called it quits and moved on without speaking to each other any further. That's understandable.
But, in the friends scenario, I've never known anyone to break up with a friend and then not continue to be friends.
To me, if she means that much to you, I would go for it. I think you could absolutely tell her that you've known, for quite some time, that you have an interest in her. Tell her that you've been holding out because you don't want to lose her as a friend. Let her know you'd be interested in going out sometime, just the two of you, to see how things go. Is she seems to have reservations, let her know she can take time to think about it but taking a chance with an outing with you couldn't heart because, if she decides she's not interested in you that way, you can still continue to push forward as friends.
You already have one response here advising to try crossing that bridge and, to be honest, they may be correct. This may actually be the best course of action for you. Again, there are too many variables at play for anyone to know for sure, I suppose, what the outcome will be.
It sounds to me, though, that you have had strong feelings for this person for far too long to not take a chance. If you make a move, it'll just be important that you explain to her why you've held out so long and to remind her that you're terrified your confession will ruin the friendship and that you absolutely don't want that to happen.
We are all wishing you the best!
Good Luck!!
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