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I am currently writing this because quite frankly, I don’t have the courage to tell you because I am scared. I am terrified of hearing the truth, and the idea of rejection. I don’t think you realize how much I think of you and how much I just want to be graced with your presence. I sound so idiotic, corny, and delusional because I have only known you for a short period of time. My whole entire life has been nothing but rejection and abandonment. I want to just scream at how strong my feelings are for you. But I can’t. I cannot face anymore rejection. I have solace keeping my feelings to myself, because I can express this care and endearment with myself without having to hear your response. I love how nervous you make me feel. When you smile at me. When you look at me. Just you in general. In spite of that, I know I’m being delusional. You just got out of a relationship not too long ago. I know you both talk still despite living across the world from each other. I am a terrible and selfish woman for wanting to come in between that. I know I could probably never give you the comfort or love she gave you. Not to mention the fact she is genuinely beautiful. You never want to go out with me. Don’t get me wrong, I love just being around you and doing what we do, but is it wrong to want more? I want you to show me off. I want you to take me out. I want you to experience new things with me. However, I know that will probably never happen. I understand that I am just a Band-Aid, and just something that’s temporary and fun. But to me, you hurt my heart when I think about you. I genuinely care for you. I want to be someone important to you. I want you to only think about me. But I am self-aware enough to know that I am not that special and that is okay. Not to dive into a self-sorrow pool, but I am used to it. I am always the second choice or just a time passing relationship. In a way it’s my fault, I like to be that fix for someone and give them some type of healing. I never put myself first with love, so I have no right to be mad. I hope I at least cross your mind from time to time, but that’s just probably wishful thinking. I know you talk to other women, the night you left your phone with me, I saw all the notifications. My heart just broke a little. I felt somewhat empty. Why do I feel this? We’re not dating. You owe me absolutely nothing. In spite of the fact, I want you to only want me. However, this is a repeating cycle I am constantly throwing myself into. Regardless of the fact, just bear with me. I don’t want you to let me go. I’ll be the fix whenever you need it. If that’s all I am to you, I'll be okay. A small piece of you makes me so happy that I will learn to be okay with it. Please don’t leave me behind, I promise I won’t be a bother anymore. I hope one day I will get the courage to tell you all of this, even if it’s the end of our time together.
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If you keep your feelings to yourself you'll never get him, don't let fear of rejection stop your happiness.
ReplyI’m worried if he treats you this way now he will even if you are in a relationship. I don’t know him but you do. Go with your best reasoning.
ReplyI was in a situation that felt a lot like this. And I let it go on for far too long, thinking things might get more serious as we went. They didn't. He was perfectly happy keeping me in that position, despite him knowing I wanted more. I realized that he didn't respect me enough to choose friendship or a relationship and I started to lose respect for myself. I had to walk away. From someone I had known for over 20 years. It was difficult. I miss him even now. But no one's scraps from their table, no one's half-assed attempts at a relationship are worth your self respect.
Perhaps I'm not getting the full story here and I don't mean to judge anyone. And all I can say is that you deserve better. If you want more than scraps of his time, tell him as much and then let the pieces fall where they may. If you are truly happy loving on someone who is not devoted to you then carry on, I guess. I wish you all the best whatever you choose to do.
Replyi don't know what kind of a person he is but u would be betraying urself if u stayed with a person who is using u
if u want to be in relationship with him u should've been his first choice and he is not worth it if u aren't the first girl on his mind
Reply