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It is almost a year since the cheating incident happened. Actually, I did not think that he will do such thing. I was clueless, really. It was just a happy day, I was having my lunch and scrolling through my phone. I received a message from a college friend asking me, "Are you guys still together?'' I suddenly felt nervous and asked her why. She told me that my boyfriend is talking to some girl that she knows. I did not believe at first, I asked her for proof or a screenshot of the conversation so that I can confirm if it is true. I even asked her who the girl was, not to start a fight with the girl. I just wanted to know what's in her that lead my boyfriend to flirt with her. My friend hesitated to disclose the identity of the girl she was talking about but I insisted and told her that I just wanted to see "her". It turns out it's her younger sister, lol. I read the conversation, my boyfriend was really into her. He's asking her to meet with him every now and then.
I didn't know what to feel at that very moment, I didn't know how I was going to tell him that I know he's cheating with someone. I even checked the dates of their conversation. There were dates that they're talking while we were together, lol. It made me question myself. Am I not enough? This also made me think that this might be the reason why he was acting so distant a few months before.
I messaged him, asking him if he knows this "name" and he apologized right away. He knew that he cheated and he had no plan of telling me. If it wasn't for my friend I wouldn't have known it. I did not talk to him for days despite his everyday messages asking for forgiveness and saying that he will not do it again.
To cut the long story short, I forgave him but the thought that he cheated on me still haunts me every single day. I just can't forget about it, there are days when I will feel so insecure because of what happened. We're still together but I cannot let go of the thought that he might be cheating again it's just that he's better at hiding it now, lol.
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I don't think it should be your job to forgive him. I think he should convince you to forgive him.
It's sort of like when someone commits a crime against you, steals something, assaults you, whatever. There's no value in forgiving them just because they say sorry. But if they convince you, through hard work and actions, that they deserve your trust again, all's good. Make him do the work. Let him know that words aren't enough for forgiveness. He needs to figure out what to do, since he caused the mess.
Unless he makes these concerns go away, you're never going to feel at ease.
ReplyTell him that even though you have forgiven him he has caused damage to your relationship because you cannot trust him like you did before and tell him that you feel very insecure. The two of you should try to solve this issue.
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