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Before you read this, please don't tell me that I'm a terrible person. Everyone's already told me that. So please only give me advice, not insults.
I am a high school girl who's not popular but not a loner either. I have about 5 close friends, and 20 casual friends. My friends are often seen as "emo," and our guidance counselor is kind of forcing us to hang out with a girl who's also "emo."
She's extremely sensitive and I'm a people-pleaser who can't say no. Unfortunately, this led her to thinking that we are friends. It's a little embarrassing because most people think she's weird, and honestly, she definitely is. I don't want to be mean. That's the last thing that I ever want to be. But I also don't want this poor girl to think we're friends and also subconsciously ruin my social life by making people think we're friends.
My other friends gossip about her sometimes, like when she does something mortifyingly embarrassing. Sometimes she growls and randomly starts singing Disney songs. It's really weird. I don't say anything, even behind her back, because I don't want her to feel bad.
Once my guidance counselor marched into my classroom and belted IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE CLASS, "So, (my name) are you going to hang out with (the girl's name) after school?" This was after she randomly,out of the blue asked if I wanted to come to her house, and I wanted to say no so badly, but I ended up going because of my stupid guidance counselor. Anyway, I said "maybe" in a small voice because I was EMBARRASSED. Then he said, "what do you mean, maybe?" And I said nothing.
My guidance counselor doesn't like her either by the way. Whenever she tries to talk to him, he says "let's save this for another time."
***HERE'S THE BIG PROBLEM: She invited me and my friends to her birthday party next week. Most of my friends said no. I think if I go, I'll be the only one there. I feel bad for her. She had the confidence (well, it's more like audacity) to invite a bunch of random people to her birthday party and no one shows up? I mean, I don't want to be her friend. But at the same time, if I keep doing this, I'm only gonna make her believe we're friends. I don't wanna buy her a gift, or even go to her house. What's a good excuse? Or do you think I should just bite the bullet and go???? ANY answers are appreciated. This has been stressing me out SO much lately.
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I think it's normal to feel stressed about being forced into a friendship. I'm an adult and I'm selective about who I allow into my friendship circle. It's okay to have boundaries and k don't think anyone should be forced into spending time with someone, especially when your instincts are telling you that she's not your cup of tea, so to speak. It seems that your guidance counselor is trying to encourage friendships but that is certainly not your burden to bear. It seems that you are being as kind as you can be about this whole thing, and I applaud you for not participating in gossip or bullying. You seem to be a nice person. Friendships must work themselves out naturally in order for them to be successful. If you don't want to attend the party, it's okay. You don't have to. You can wish her a happy birthday out of courtesy. A neutral response to any questions about going to her home, hanging out, etc (which, first of all, is inappropriate because visiting someone's home can be risky because you never know what their home life is like or who lives there) can be something like, "I already have plans" or "I need to catch up on my homework this weekend" or heck, you can even blame it on your parent/guardian and say that you're going somewhere with them so you won't be around. I'm not encouraging lying but sometimes, it prevents you from being in an uncomfortable or risky situation. Best of luck to you. Keep being kind and eventually, she'll find her group.
ReplyWho cares what other people think. Do you want to be friends with her. If not then just tell you don't want to be friends.
Replyso I am thinking that this whole thing with nobody liking her is because of something she did or does and i understand if you do not want to get involved but wouldn't it be the better thing to try to help her with why she is not liked and be honest? I realize that is very hard but you could do it gently and or maybe if you help her you will feel better about yourself and not be as worried about what other people think about her or you...
Replyif i’m being entirely honest, don’t go. she is clearly pushing your boundaries and being kind does not mean forcing yourself into uncomfortable positions. No reason to be rude and put her down but her emotions are not your responsibility nor should it be your guilt. maybe lie if you’re more comfortable to get out, or just a simple no, you’re not a bad person or awful for saying no. your boundaries matter.
ReplyI personal would be up front and be like on (that day) which im guessing is a weekend i cant go cause i wanna stay home, got work, or plans. Go to the giudence counsler and tell him that you dont like when he puts you on the spot when talking about her or be bold learn to put your foot down i was a people please but sometimes you need to say no.
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