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The last time I saw you was 2020 Christmas. Everyone was still trying to figure out Covid while also trying to make the best of the holiday season. I decided to give you one of the biggest gift I had ever given you; not as in one huge gift, just a big box with little things that I knew would entertain you and make you happy. Even if you felt as though your gift to me couldn't compare to what you had received, I still cherished it and wouldn't have asked for more.
The last time I talked to (or texted) you was 2021 February, about 2 days before Valentine's Day. I was really craving boba that day, and I saw that our favorite bubbly tea shop had a special going on. Your family was still hesitant about letting you go out even though covid restrictions had lightened up at the time. I offered to get you your favorite drink, but you told me that it was okay, that I didn't have to because you wanted to be able to go with me to get our drinks together with all our friends.
The last time I tried to see you, the last time I tried contacting you...it was your birthday. I had your gift ready, and a fun day planned for whenever you were free. You were turning 19, and I was super excited to spend time with you. I messaged you just to let you know that I had your present ready, and to check if you were at home or wanted to meet up somewhere. No response; message only sent, but not received. I thought it was weird, but didn't think too much of it. I messaged you again the day after, and then a week after. I still got the same results, no response, just a message that was sent to you, but not received. Did you change your number and I just didn't know? Did you forget my number and didn't know how to let me know? I went onto Instagram and even Facebook to message you through there, but still the same result. You unfollowed me on Instagram and your Facebook profile was slowly disappearing. What was happening? Were you okay? Did I do something wrong?
A few days after the start of my confusion, my thoughts only began racing even more. I saw one of our friends repost an Instagram story of you two hanging out at a coffee shop. Your account was still set to private, even though I had sent in my friend request the day before. You removed yourself from the group chat with all our friends, and you were still not responding to the number I had. After that, I felt slightly betrayed. We were coming up on 10 years of our friendship. We'd spent almost our entire school lives being best friends, confiding in each other, trusting one another, just being there when we needed to talk. Was it me? Was I too much somehow? Why would my best friend not tell me that she was leaving to somewhere 10,000 miles away? I had to hear this from the friend who reposted the Instagram story of you two. She said you gave no reason for talking to anyone else or to me in particular. You told her that you didn’t know if or when you'd come back. You said that you were choosing to leave our group chat and delete all your social media. That friend was left in the dark almost as much as all of us were. It seems selfish of me, but it hurts that you couldn't at least say goodbye to me.
The chances of you ever receiving this letter is one in a million. In the off chance that you do, I just want to say that I'm sorry if I did anything to make you feel like you couldn't talk to me or tell what was happening. If it was me or something my ex (boyfriend at that time, but broke up because he was toxic and displaying creepy tendencies) did that ruined all those years of trust we built, I'm deeply and truly sorry. If you ever do come back, I know it's going to be awkward for both of us. So much has happened, and I wish I had you here to talk about it all. I feel bad for feeling bitter about you leaving and not saying anything. I feel like I deserve some sort of explanation, but it feels so selfish of me to think that. I'm just really confused and sad about the whole thing. I just want my best friend. I miss you, and I hope that wherever you are and whatever you're doing, I hope you're okay.
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