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I swear i don't know whats happening but everything is just going to shit, my parents my friends my whole ass life. about two years ago i came out as trans and i feel like thats when it started instantly my mom started acting all weird sending me to a gender therapist, and trying to send me to trans support groups and she still does it. then about a year ago she told me that shes polyamourus and has a girlfriend and i have nothing against that her girlfriend is actually a really nice person but my mom has changed so much, she barely ever home anymore and when she is shes always on her phone talking to her girlfriend and i want to talk to her about it but i cant because i know exactly what shell say bc she says it to my dad all the time when they fight "i haven't known my girlfriend as long as you guys so i need more time to build a relationship with her" and like i get that but also what the fuck you dont just abandon you child and fiance because you met you dream girl?!?! Also she literally fucking ignores me ALL THE TIME i ask her something she takes forever to respond because shes texting her girlfriend or if we all go to a place together im just sitting in the corner while nobody listens to me or cares about my opinion she will be fucking looking at me as i ask or say something then just looks away and plays dumb if i confront her. as for my dad in this situation, he doesn't want it but hes going along anyways to keep her happy, hes basically single and him and i agree on my mom being a dickwad and that hes basically single and i feel so bad for him because he wants me to be happy too so he tries not to show anything and i don't want him to think im upset so i just bottle everything up and end up crying forever in my room and then saying i was petting the cat and thats why my eyes are puffy. also, my mom is the type of parent to put my grades over mental and physical health, i literally have to wait until i have a bigger health issue so i can go to the doctor and tell them the million fucking things im worried about and SHE NEVER gets follow-ups if they recommend it so im sitting here finding out shit that seems off or just thinking things are normal when they aren't for example apparently i porbably have a fucking stigmatism but she hasn't made an eye appointment even though ive been asking FOR BASICALLY A YEAR. and with the happiness shit she thinks she can just buy me shit and ill be happy poof magic and ill get good grades because shell buy me pokemon cards. I FUCKING HATE IT AND HER AND I WISH SHE WOULD WAKE THE FUCK UP AND REALIZE WHAT SHES DOING. also might i add ANY fucking health problem i bring up she tells me it might have to do with how i eat and yes i am overweight BUT ITS BECAUSE I FUCKING STRESS EAT FROM HER. ALSO she literally told me i needed more friends the other day, she keeps trying to send me to groups outside of school saying "oh well its nice to have people that will bubble up and hangout with you every once and a while LIKE JUST SHUT UP. thats most of my issues with my mom i mean i could probably talk about it for hours but i wont, while im on the topic of friends though i swear to god what am i doing wrong, i swear every friend i make ghosts me or says we cant be friends after like a month and i dont know what im fucking doing wrong everything is always perfectly fine then just poof "oh sorry actually i hate you bye" and like i dont want a million friends but right now i have one good friend irl, one kinda ok online friend, and one more online that i just probably fucked up with and its complicated and id rather not share but i was a fucking moron and didnt ask how old he is and now everything is awkward but like i dont care about doing shit that our ages would be weird i just wanna be his friend (btw its not like a stupid crazy gap im 15 hes 13) and like i wanna give him space but i feel like if i stop messaging him hes just gonna never message me first. ALSO WHY AM I SO FUCKING BAD AT RELATIONSHIPS i had a good one but i was a moron, i came out as trans to him and it was a bit awkward but he never said he wanted to break up but i felt like he would so i just kinda left AND I FEEL LIKE AN ASSHOLE (this was like 4 years ago) but istg we would probably still be together or at least better friends then we are now if i wasn't a moron. ALSO i had another bf whos was niceish but also a complete racist and weird asshole but i wasnt brave enough to break up with him but long story short i managed to leave him before he made me do anything bad but now every 6 months i swear he pops up to bother me FOR NO REASON LIKE HE WAS THE ASSHOLE I ALWAYS DID WHAT HE WANTED. im so fucking pathetic when it comes to this shit, i just wish everything could go back to when i was a little kid. also real quick every day lately feels like a dream and i hate it i want it to go away but it's like i get to school and suddenly everything i did that morning feels like i drempt it and so on throughout the day and its like clear memories of me doing the things but it just feels like a dream if that makes any sense at all. anyways, if anyone actually read this whole thing thanks ig and this actually felt really good to type so thats for making this website.
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Thank you for this post. It is good of you to give such a meaningful insight into your life. I hope things improve for you and I wish you the best.
ReplyYou can get through this, we're all rooting for you!!
Reply