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Everyone ask how i am and i simply say “I’m alright”, “i’m okay”, etc. In reality i am not okay. I don’t know who i am anymore without my partner. I feel like i rushed into a serious long commitment instead of taking time to ease into it. It didn’t help i became homeless and their place was the only place to go other than sleeping in a car. If i had more time living without them would it be different? Would i feel like i know who i am? I just know something is off inside me and i don’t know what. Waking up then being around my partner 24/7 other than when i work or they do. I don’t really get to hangout with anyone else because my partner is big about being around me and me texting them every min im gone. It is tiring because i feel the need to have that time away from my partner giving them their time and me getting mine without feeling like all i do is be with them. I literally don’t really leave my house unless it’s for work or going somewhere with my partner. I always feel like i’m dragging on the ground and is slowly being pushed in a box that’s getting smaller and smaller. Sometimes i wish i could just call a break and go be free but i don’t want to hurt them or make them feel like they did wrong. Also it seems like i’m a nuisance to all my “friends” because i hear excuses after excuses when i ask to hangout and not to mention im the only one who asks to hangout. My brain feels like it’s close to exploding out my head and i can’t do anything to stop it. Deep down i know something is making me feel off like this and i don’t know if it’s the fact i don’t know who i am as a person or what others say about my partner. It seems like all odds were against us, constant cheating rumors about them, accusations and untrustful moments. Who knows maybe i’m just overreacting like everyone says i am.
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