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I'd thought about it countless times. There were some nights where it was all I thought about. Aiden was my best friend, and I had a crush on him. Had so for years. But I had never told him, nor did I ever plan to.
And I didn't. Not really.
We had been listening to music and practicing guitar, like we usually did. Then we paused for a smoke break, and after a couple joints and some loose conversation, somehow we landed on the topic of my hair.
"What's wrong with it?" I asked, if not a little defensively, when he said something about it looking "like a cat that was stuck in the dryer".
"It just looks funky is all. You should let me clean it up" he suggested for the third time that month. I took a peak at myself in the mirror, and after examining the truly horrid state of my head, defeatedly agreed.
Five minutes later and I was sitting in a lawn chair with him behind me combing my hair down to a more manageable condition. He pulled out a pair of clippers and began at once, as if he'd done this a hundred times before. He shifted from angel to angel, correcting even the slightest of errors, his fingers grazing my skin as he worked his way through my hair.
"It's softer than I realized" he commented. I swallowed loudly in response, unable to form sentences what with the aridity of my mouth and the extensive speed with which my heart was beating. He was so close I could feel his breath on my skin. I tensed when he leaned in even closer to examine his progress, his face just inches away from mine.
I cleared my throat. "You're pretty good at this. Maybe you should open up a barbershop" I chuckled anxiously.
"Haha, maybe". He lifted my chin with one hand and held the scissors in the other.
"You'd better give me the friend's discount when I come to see you then" I joked, grasping for anything to distract me from how...close he...
What the fuck? What the hell was he doing?
Words were coming out of his mouth, but I didn't hear any of it as I tried to process why he was now in front of me and down on his knees, as if he was...was...uhhhh
"Stop being nervous" he said knowingly.
"I-I'm not nervous. I-it's just the pills" I stammered.
"Oh yeah? Which ones this time?" He asked, an almost undetectable hint of annoyance in his voice.
"It's not important" I said tersely. No need to discuss that any further. My nerves were jumping on far too many ends for me to even concentrate on anything else at that moment. He reached up to trim my side burns, placing his hand on my thigh for balance. My whole body became rigid, internally panicking and desperately trying (and failing) to maintain my composure. I felt his eyes on mine and instinctively glanced at him before quickly averting my gaze to a particularly interesting spot on the wall.
"There. All done" he said a few minutes later, standing up, proudly evaluating his job well-done. I let out a relieved sigh, though I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed. The room seemed so cold without the warmth of those hands.
"Thanks" was all I could say. My cheeks were hot with shame, my throat constricted with turmoil. I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I didn't realize what he was doing until it happened.
He stepped into my space and leaned down to face me. I nearly choked, my mind going utterly blank at that exact second, and then his soft, inviting lips were on mine and suddenly there were fireworks and meteor showers and brilliant bolts of lighting flashing behind my eyelids as I eagerly kissed him back.
I should've stopped. I should've told him it was wrong, that what we were doing wasn't fair to him or Chastine, his girlfriend of three years. I should've pushed him away or held back even a little, but the more of him I tasted the more I wanted. Every ounce of me was begging me to be with him, and I just couldn't say no.
He pulled back and looked at me, smirking wildly, as if he'd just a giant fish right out of the water.
"Why are you smiling like that?" I spat out accusingly. The grin on his face only grew wider. "Seriously, what?" I demanded, starting to actually worry.
"Nothing. It's just..." He took a step forward and I took one back. "You see," two steps forward, two steps back. There was something feral about the way he looked at me. Something hungry and wreckless.
I startled when my back hit the wall. I had no where to run. He had cornered me without me even aware of it. Clever bastard.
He hovered over me, his tall frame locking me in. "I wanna fuck you so bad right now". He whispered into my ear. My body trembled with lust. I didn't have to speak a word for him to know I wanted the same. He grabbed me by the waist and resumed kissing me blind, grinding his hips into mine and slowly leading us to the couch. I didn't have time to consider about what we were about to do. But honestly, I don't think I really wanted to. It was all too good to possibly resist. His chest on mine, his strong hands guiding me, his tongue-- the things that tongue could make me feel. Fucking incredible. And when it was all over, I wished for nothing more but to go back and relive it again and again, as many times as possible.
We never spoke of it again. A couple weeks later he proposed to his girlfriend and that was that. Every once in a while he'll give me a certain look or a passing touch, but never like he did that night. It's been four months now, I've started seeing someone and he's happily engaged, but as I said before, there are some nights where it's all I think about.
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Sorry but that dude's a narc. How u gon cheat and still get married to the girl?
Mf is weak in the head sorry but naw, you didn't miss anything
ReplyYou're confession is honest and no sugarcoating. But the guy doesn't deserve your love and he's dating someone for three freaking years. I hope he won't bring it up to his wife about the event and you deserved better. Oh, your writing is really good.
Reply