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"Chapter 1: Death of the wise king."
my father died in my bedroom and I remember how I tried to wake him up.
"Chapter 2: The clown."
I suppressed my trauma by making fun of myself and seeing others laugh for many years. I was too tired and hurt from seeing my mother crying.
"Chapter 3: Bliss."
I met her, the first girl who introduced me to bliss, we lost contact but she still exists in my mind from then until now. She showed me this grand aesthetic feature of existence coated in teenage romanticism and that helped me to remind myself that there is more to life than it was to horror.
"Chapter 4: Stabbed by the knife I forged."
I tried a relationship with a new girl, that lasted for 5 years, but ended with betrayal on her end. those lies, manipulations, deceit, and terrific murderous malevolence that were justified by her truth of nihilism—all that only to find myself helping her again against the abyss she was heading to.
"Chapter 5: Exodus"
I'm on a mission to build the courage to continue living. I don't really aim for happiness, though I pray for it, both religiously and secularly. I realize all I need to have is meaning to sustain the next chapters to come. I'll be 23 this year, and I hope I will find more things to grip on, I'm afraid I wouldn't survive if I had to cling to this cliff any longer, I understand that I'm lost, hurt, and traumatized, but I don't want to give up now, I hope I don't want to, I better resist giving up. The world is extremely complex beyond my imagination, but I don't want to give up.
Readers, I understand pain. Try to resist giving up just to see what happens, It's better than resentment!
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