I want to give up on my kids...

I love my kids so much, it hurts. I want to be a good mom, I want to do the right thing. My oldest daughter (21) has lied to me all her life. Big lies, little lies, it doesn't matter. Now I have a hard time believing anything. All she does is smoke pot and drink. I know a lot of people feel pot is ok but she is using it to get through life. She can't NOT smoke, I think that is a problem. Now my son (16) is using her as an example of how it is "ok" to smoke. He failed english last year. It is not always ok!! I feel like I have to battle against my oldest daughter and society to try to stop my son from doing something illegal. So now I don't trust anyone. I assume every time I look at my kids that they are lying to me or hiding stuff from me.

All I want is for them to be happy and good, I want to have a good relationship with them. I want them to do something they love in life that can support them. I want good for them but they keep fighting against it. My daughter has a 1yo son and a minimum wage job. She has medicaid and food stamps. But she smokes and drinks. It is not ok. I get sick to my stomach if I see her twitter page so I never get on social media.

It sucks because it is all because I care, because I want to do the right thing. But they make it all so hard. It would be so easy to say fine, do whatever you want. Then maybe I would feel like they love me again.