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I ask myself many time “Am I enough?” “Did they do that on purpose?” “Am I just lazy?”
…
It doesn’t matter everything I do feels like I’m doing the wrong thing or I’m making someone else feel bad about stuff they can’t even control.
I feel GUILTY after opening my mouth.. I don’t want to make someone else know the real me it’s already fine by as it is.. right?... wrong.
I care about others but I never open up to anyone I’m scared to know what they’ll think “do they view me in a different way now” “am I just going nuts” “WHY AM I HURTING SO MUCH FOR NOTHING?!?!”
..
I don’t want to live like this..
I hate it.
IT HURTS...
I can feel the eyes always watching every move I make every time I do ANYTHING I can feel the pressure on me, I don’t like myself, I don’t like the way I am.. I’m kind to others and take care of their problems but I never speak up about my own problems and issues, so I bottle them up and then at some point I can’t take it anymore and I blew up on someone..
This part goes to my dear parents, friends and loved ones :).
YOU YOU ACTUALLY THINK I’M HERE TO PLEASE YOUR ASS?!?!
YOU call me lazy, Dramatic, childish, overprotective, a Kid… and you still treat me like I’m an ADULT!
Or you say “It can’t be that bad you’ll get over it, right?”
Or
“WOW! You actually did something useful once.”
Like Please tell me what does this world want from me?!?!
I’m not a soldier!
I’m not a therapist!
I’m not a perfect daughter!
But people definitely think that I am
A person to go to with your problems and never ask how I feel.
Be a “mom” at the age of 10 cause the real one couldn’t.
A person you can use but when they ask for help you call them crazy?
I’M SO SICK AND TIRED of being “perfect” for everyone I don’t even feel like myself anymore I wasted 8 YEARS of my life for nothing and just because no one would actually care and once I did open up
“she’s just being overdramatic.”
“Sorry but I can’t take this anymore we’ll put you to better care”
When no one else says anything I SAY IT
But then no one believes me!?
WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT SHIT?
But when someone else says something or even cries a tiny tear Oh well then something start happening
You all Shitty ass people don’t care until someone is crying their heart out in the DAMN school bathroom... No not even then You only start to care when that person is not here ANYMORE!!
I have a lot to say but I can’t put those feelings into words it’s just anger, pressure, sadness, bullying.
What else do you want?
My soul?
It’s been gone for a long time
AND I’M 16!
..
Hope you understand that maybe you should care before it’s too late.
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