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I'm sorry mama. I know I'm doing everything wrong. I know you're disappointed. I wish I could be the perfect daughter for you. I'm not Hannah or Henry. I'm a flightless bird. I can't soar in the sky. I can only watch others. I've tried for 15 years. I can't fly. I'm tired. I'm so tired mommy. I can't keep smiling if I have nothing to smile about. I'm trying to do better. I'm trying I promise. You told me that I have talents and I'm wasting them. You're wrong. I'm not special. I'm okay with the fact that I'm normal. But you make me feel like I shouldn't be okay with that. I hate you so much mom. But Not enough to leave you. I want to leave, but I can't. I don't wanna be the reason you cry all the time. I know if I leave, it'll shatter your heart. I hate myself for making you cry. I want to tell you a secret. Once, I went to the beach late at night. I screamed, louder than I ever have. I screamed everything I was holding in. My throat hurt so badly, but I kept screaming. I pretended you were there. That everyone was there. I screamed all the things I was too scared to say. I started crying. I couldn't believe how good it felt. I realized how much I never said. Never in my life had i screamed in such anger and sorrow. In fact, I never screamed in my life. Not for 15 years. I felt pathetic. I envied everyone who could scream their frustrations anytime. You make me feel bad. Mama, you make me think I'm worthless. I know you don't mean to, and that makes me feel worse. It's not your fault mommy. It's all my fault. So don't blame yourself. You are an amazing mother. I'm just a bad apple. It's hard to remember you're going through life for the first time too. So, no matter what I do, just know that I love you mama. I love you so much. - mei mei
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