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I genuinely want to ask a question, and I know women have shared this experience. I work in retail. I encounter a lot of customers. Some are kind, and others, not so much. I get asked out and hit on by different age ranges of men. Some are light-hearted. Others are rather creepy. I'm more along the lines of dating within my age range. How come some men will respect me when I say, "I have a boyfriend" rather than "I'm not interested" I'm single, but I've found that stating "having a boyfriend" men will be a little kinder and not harass me. But when I say, "I'm sorry, I'm just not interested," and to add, I'm nice about it. I don't make a big deal out of it or try to embarrass the guy, some men will flip.
I mean, the questions I'm asked are out of line. "Why are you not interested?" "Am I not your type" "Why don't you give an older man a chance" "Am I not good enough for you?" and so forth. I want to know why you think you're entitled to an explanation when turned down. I'm just trying to do my job and go about my day. When I say older, I'm speaking about men clearly old enough to be my dad. The upper 40s, early to late 50s. Some are very persistent in asking me out, making me uncomfortable. I'm not too fond of confrontation, but sometimes I'll speak up and say it's an age thing. They'll get offended, and some will make very disgusting remarks such as: "Older men know how to please you," "You'd like me, I have plenty money to spoil a girl like you" I've been called names, I would be followed around, and some would go far as to try and complain to management that I'm not being helpful. I'm trying to understand why SOME men behave this way.
I will say not all men. I've had men from different age ranges defend me against perverts, and I'm very grateful for that. I appreciate them. But this post is specifically for men that have a problem with rejection.
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It's frustrating and I'm sorry but it's not going to stop. Especially not while working in a customer service role where you're forced to endure them.
I wish all men were polite and gentlemanly, like my husband for example, but it's just not the case. They were raised poorly without manners and there's really nothing to be done about it until their generations either die off or our sons step up and break the cycle.
ReplySometimes, it's a bit much. I'm genuinely a kind person, and I try not to make situations worse. I've also tried taking a more firm approach, but then that leads to
"I"m a nice guy. Why don't you want to give me a chance? All you girls are the same" speech. I've been in those situations where being "firm" is categorized as being "mean" or "b*tchy" in their words. It's frightening at times. I am grateful that I have guy friends that would pull up if the situation is really bad. But I realize I can't rely on them every time a guy harasses me. I guess I'm just venting at this point.
ReplyIf you’re not interested in them then it hits their insecurities, but if it’s another guy they will give that guy the respect.
ReplyI never really thought of it like that! That opens a whole different perspective of things. Thank you!
ReplyYou’re welcome, guys and girls brains are wired so differently. It amazes me every time my wife and I talk, how different our perceptions are.
ReplyTo be fair, a minority of men have a problem with rejection, whereas a majority of women have a problem with rejection. But I digress. Unfortunately, you are overthinking this whole thing - you will never solve the mental problems these men have starting with why they go for the low hanging fruit, no offense to you since you're earning your pay honorably, but it seems that some men will only hit on waitresses, retail workers, and others who are in a position where they must talk to customers and cannot be rude or walk away from them. Based on your post you seem very intelligent; in my humble opinion you should simply stick to saying you have a boyfriend, maybe even wear a ring that you can show them, and maybe even tell them you have a bad headache due to your "diagnosed bi-polar disorder." wink wink
ReplyHonestly, I'm in a position of choice as far as working. I'm a college student with exceptional grades. I work part-time to enjoy independence, interact with people, and make money. I can say that I'm blessed to have parents that are more than willing to support me. I choose to pay my way. I like hard work. I like to prove myself.
IMO, I think it's about equal when it comes to the rejection bit. But I'm specifically speaking about men in this post. I can't change how some men handle rejection, but I'm trying to understand better. I shouldn't have to explain why I'm not interested. I shouldn't have to have a fake boyfriend to be left alone or even wear a ring or have something wrong with me! I think some men should do better. I can account for several stories over the years of being harassed in fields where I've worked, from retail to manager positions, office jobs, and even jobs where I've held a title. No matter the position of power, they feel they have a particular power complex over a young lady.
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