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I don't really know how to explain it. I feel like I'm not here in a way, and I feel disconnected from reality, my thoughts and my body in general. I've thought things so strongly that I've been called delusional, and I mistaken dreams for reality, but I feel it so strongly maybe it is reality??
I don't even remember my childhood, it all feels like a dream but I have no idea if it was real or not. When I'm *not* disconnected from reality, I get really dark intrusive thoughts that literally shake me up. I can't even think straight because my mind is going by so fast, and my thinking feels disorganized.
I remember when I was around 13, I had a weird thing where I had a deep deep feeling of paranoia, It was early in the morning and I had seen myself move in the mirror and I felt like I was viewing myself out of body, like a video game. I got so scared that someone was after me I huddled in the corner for hours holding a knife, I couldn't even recognize myself in the mirror, I thought I had changed.
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What you described is the same thing lots of great artists, writers and creative thinkers suffered from. If you have a creative talent you should focus on that. It may not help you in the real world, but you may get some satisfaction out of turning it into something productive.
ReplyI think I know the cure. I knew somebody which somewhat the same or worst symptoms. He was advised to go for "VIPASSANA" and I would suggest you the same. He is completely fine now. Your enemy is inside you. It has power over your head. VIPASSANA will have you control over yourself and even will make you a better person than you ever were, it is only possible if you actually want to cure yourself. No one can help you but yourself since the enemy has power over you so in order to defeat it you must gain power over yourself. Go for Vipassana it must be for 10 days you will learn so much there. the first time would be a lot more difficult but the second or third will get better.
ReplyThis is called derealiztion: Derealization is a mental state where you feel detached from your surroundings. People and objects around you may seem unreal. Even so, you're aware that this altered state isn't normal. More than half of all people may have this disconnection from reality once in their lifetime.
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