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I have never been like this before.
I do not study much now like before.
I am not physically active anymore unlike before.
I don't do things I like anymore unlike before.
I mean, I do want to but like- every time I do it, I feel sad and scared.
It feels heavy.
And it feels like it's going to make me a failure.
I feel like a burden most times.
I feel like a failure.
I feel like hurting myself.
I attempted suicide before for 3 times.
And now, I just want to do it.
I don't know anymore!
I don't understand!
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hey, kudos to you for writing this down and acknowledging your feelings- that can be difficult and confronting.
its very valid to feel confused and uncertain about who you are and where your going, humans are kinda crazy and this world is a little insane- but figuring that stuff out, adapting to that uncertainty is something you can work towards.
personality/character is fluid, it is influenced by surrounding events.. maybe there's something going on in your life right now, or maybe your minds growing and changing ( physically your brain doesn't mature till mid 20s ish, I think), but you are who you are right now in this moment- comparing yourself to who you were 'before' won't be much help, you should use your past self as a reminder of what your capable of, not a standard for how you should be.
sometimes it really does help to talk through these things - understanding why you feel this way, what you can do to feel better or do to use your current state to your advantage.
its alright not to understand, to not know.
sometimes there's nothing nothing you can do in certain situations , and thats alright.
ReplyWell said!
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