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let me start off by saying I would never harm myself or take physical action to remove myself from with the world. however, does anyone else feel like they KNOW for sure that they no longer want to experience the things life has to offer?
I'm fairly young, 22 yo, and I know that for me each day waking up is the most miserable part of my day. I live my life with no purpose, no self-worth, or anybody genuinely checking for me. I cry all day until bedtime when it's time to crawl into my bed.
I've tried learning tools like emotional intelligence, affirming, and forcing myself to believe in self-love. I've been in therapy for depr. the past 4 years and on meds for the past year but they still don't stop the intrusive thoughts that I'd be better if I was no longer here. The "little things" that I enjoy aren't enough to make me want to continue this cycle. The only confident thought that I have is that I do not want to be here. So why do I have to be locked up or reasoned with about how I have to stay here if I'm unhappy and exhausted from living? Constantly being told "things will get better" but what if I'm 60 yo and still feel the exact same way? I would hate myself for taking action sooner. People aren't there for me or genuinely care about how I feel any other day until I'm ready to end it, but the way I see it that's only because they don't want to feel guilty or lonely not because really they care. I understand that people have their own lives to deal with so I don't expect them to hold my hand every day I'm miserable, I just want to be able to make the choice to end my journey and that be accepted.
I think I was made too soft for the world and what it has to offer. I think Robin W. confidently felt the same way as me, which is why he made the choice he did. I wouldn't end my journey like his though.
If it were up to me I would donate my organs to someone in need, or give my life to save someone else who has the drive to continue their journey here, which would honestly make me very happy. I look forward to the day those options present themselves and if they don't you can bet that I'm still fucking miserable.
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