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Hey there, I hope youre doing well.
I miss you. I know I said I had moved on and was doing better, and I really was truth be told but though these waves of feeling are more spaced apart now than before they still hit harder than ever.
I think of you all the time. I cant listen to R&B without thinking about you, I cant be in bed without picturing you next time me. I keep telling myself you are probably the only man I will ever love this way. You are that twin flame that everyone gets to experience once in their life. I think i will probably love you forever. This this I think its way worse than it was before. Before when we parted I blamed it on the depression- I blamed it on you being an awful human being. On you not loving me and having no empathy for me. So it was easier when someone else came along, to find the missing parts of you and make do. This time, you just left without anything other than an apology and a goodbye. After all this time of longing was I just another conquest?
Who else would be able to love you this way, accept you with all your short comings? Who else would turn a blind eye when they see you fall out of love with them?
It hurts so much I can't breathe sometimes and because these are unfamiliar emotions I feel overwhelmed. I want to text you and tell you but I know that isnt right.
How do you end pain and longing like this? How do you soothe it?
I wish youd text me, show a sign that you miss me too. That im not the only one going through this, but you seem fine.
Why am I so angry that you seem so alright? Why do I feel so disappointed with myself?
I fully know you werent the one for me. Youre mean and you havent ever cared for me. You didnt respect what I wanted from a relationship, you treated me in a way that broke my self esteem. I know even if we were still together it wouldnt last long. I'm too delicate, you're too crass.
But even while knowing this I still love you the same.
It kills me I still love you the same.
I just miss you so much. So much
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