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First fortunately I was able to get some sleep. Last night. But head ache and intrusive thoughts are driving me crazy. Sometimes the stupid crap won't shut up. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I've been through so much in life. No one person knows it all. I can't tell everyone everything. The few who even care.
I've encountered so many back stabbers here. Nobody prepared me for a 2 face cut throat toxic employer/ees. Hard lessons learned.
People are not to be trusted totally. This started out as a rant about my dad in part but I'll get to that later. Ok where am I going with this. Well every family member I have here screwed me over one way or another. One person close to me said no judgement, to get me to open up then accused me of something bad id never ever do. I don't enjoy keeping everything inside but nobody butGod really wants to listen about my troubles cares frustrations mostly. My parents are too quick to jump to conclusions about this or go off on me too quickly for nothing. Dad is mentally unstable with an addiction drunk problem. I woke up this morning about memories of a frenemy bully. This person was awful to work with. Brought their problems to work, were too aggressive. It was an awful environment too. They the people expected you to know everything with 0 training. Wtf? That was stupidest sh!t ever. Get mad at you for not knowing ten million separate things in fast paced situations. Uh it was both co-workers and bosses jobs setups etc to train inexperienced people. I got everything yelled crammed down my throat. A lot anyway. I didn't know nothing about nothing then. So it wasn't my fault. And when people are too impatient and unwilling to show you thing's. Yeah it was a horrible experience I regretfully ever had to go through. I should have threw up my arms and went 🖕 and quit. My late ex uncle sure he got me the job. Or maybe my cousin actually idk. But he only cut my throat once I started. To the h r manager too. I got him back though eventually. They knew he lied to get me hired so they wouldn't let him come back from a surgery leave. Good on him for mocking laughing marking fun of me too talking bad about me. He was a know it all. A regular maintenance Tim the tool man Taylor from home improvement that broke more than he fixed. Its true they cut his pay to get him to quit my aunt said.
This was my first encounter with Latinos as well. The ladies were snakes with a constant act tone of proudness yet acted like im too good to do as much work as you so I'll make you work harder than me and jabber jibberish so you won't know if im talking sh!t about you or not. Im thinking especially of one. It was a 3 person job 3 of us to hang long heavy L shaped things into a pit onto moving hooks on a line chain. She instead of doing her own handed them to a guy and none to me plus forced me to hang EVERY OTHER INSTEAD OF
1 OUT OF 3 PLUS GET MY OWN WHILE SHE SIMPLY HANDED THEM OFF TO HIM. they were lying down on a metal rack longways so I had to both stand up and pick up them off a rack then lower then into a pit then up onto a moving hook MYSELF 😠. I hated that girl. And another young guy b. He was Latino. Him n his white buddy we're bullies. His buddy threatened shooting me. So yeah I had an emotional breakdown. Fortunately my uncle got his ass took care of. Ok anyway I'll stop but im saying I've been soured on people here especially Latinos. Many have been sh!tty or intimidating. One once gave me big saucer eyes like hed kill me. Yeah that's part why im fcked up. Nobody to have my back or be friends just all hateful sour rude treatment. Im Not racist I just don't respect disrespectful mean people of any color or race. Understandable.
So yes I have really bad anxiety thanks in part to that bullsh!t. To be honest all wanted was to get along with people. How was I supposed to know it was place full of hornets for people or some with a cactus up their ass. Since I have no therapist this is my alternative as an outlet. I want nothing more than to get along with others. However the people there were like trying to swim with alligators. This one short fat girl. What a b!tch of a human. Would give you cold shoulder for nothing plus laugh at you struggling and refuse to help you. What a b!tch. Her eggs didn't need fertilized unfortunately she has kids. It took everyone plus communication to put the hooks on. Without communication you may as well throw up your hands and go home. And that's what they did to me. Leave me with no communication with cold shoulders. Idk how I survived. I should have cut her tires. This was a job I never should of taken. Its. The past. But the bad experiences make me wonder why I even came here and didn't say f that place sooner. Yeah to be honest I need to make peace with all this b s memories. Idk how. Why make peoples work lives harder than necessary. Im glad I no longer work with them. It actually makes me mad remembering their awful treatment. Like it was a place where hell spawn people went to work or something idk. Ok I guess I just had a good heart and everyone there almost were dogs. I forgot one lady did have my back. Later to put a knife in it of course. That's my subject I can't trust nobody. Everybody ends up screwing me. Dad will say peoples people, then b!tch about them. Its hard to care for mean people. Really I just need away from here period. I need kind caring loving people in my life. I've lost hope in humans :( these are just memories and feelings.
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