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I could write endlessly about you. There's so much i have to say but i don't believe i'll ever get the chance to, or maybe i will. Maybe i'll talk to you again maybe i won't but i hope you know how much love for you i have. I'll never understand that day and how you ended it out of the blue. The way i ran to the car and cried like i never have before. The way i got home and my arms and legs will never look the same again. The way you caused me so much pain internally but i'd take you back in a heartbeat. I don't understand how one could have so much love for a person who hurt them that way but you felt like home. It felt like time stopped when i was with you and all my problems and fears went away. I have never ever felt that with anyone else even if i tried to convince myself i did. The day i met you i knew from that moment i wanted to be with you for as long as i could. I don't even know how to explain what i felt in those moments i was with you. It was something i had never felt with anyone else and i wanted it to last forever. Time stopped.
Words cant describe what i felt when i was with you, you just felt like home. It felt like it was straight out of a movie. The song ocean eyes playing in my head as i looked at urs that night.
I haven't stopped thinking about you even though it's already been over a month. Days are going by so slowly without you. I always wonder what you're doing and how your going with everything you had going on. I always wish i could be there to help with whatever it was you had going on. You didn't give me a real explanation when you ended things but i hope you know i did deserve one when you told me you were getting attached and you loved me. I always wonder if you think about what i'm doing? If you think abt me when you wake up, eating, with your friends or literally doing anything in general.
I always wake up thinking about you and i always go to sleep thinking about you. I held myself back from texting you but eventually caved and didn't get a response. How did we go from everything to nothing in the space of one hour. We were supposed to be seeing each other that day and let me tell you we did. When i had to give back what i had of yours and so did you. That was the worst moment seeing you again. Even if it only lasted for 30 seconds i really wish i didn't go that day and maybe waited so maybe i could have talked to you for a little bit longer and seen each other when we were in the right state of mind. If i knew the second week i saw you was properly going to be the last i would have stayed a bit longer. If i knew when i saw you again it would be yelling and an absolute heartbreak for the days to come, i would have never have seen you in the first place.
Sometimes i wish i never added you back, i wouldn't have had to go through this. But i would never actually wish that, i hate myself so much for this and i wish i didn't add you but i don't. That's what happens when you trust people you shouldn't. I have never been able to say this about anyone but how i had so much love for you. Even if we didn't know each other for that long it felt normal and everything i wanted it to be.
I can't comprehend how we were perfect and everything each other wanted in our lives to all of a sudden nothing. We haven't spoken in a month and five days and although it's getting easier i still think about you all the time and what we could have been if you kept me in your life.
i know you had a lot of love for me too but i always question why and if you still do. You just decided to end everything we built together all of a sudden. Always wonder where we would be if we were still talking and what clicked making it easy enough to change your mind.
Wrong person right time? Guess there's only one way to find out. If it was really meant to be we will find our way back.
Much love.
~a
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