Stoner Name AKA Fleishman

“Fuck, Fleishman!”

Who the fuck is Fleishman?

“Too late! Too late! Debbie Downer is gonna be home soon and I gotta sanitize.”

C’mon Jeffie.

Please tell me my stoner name. Cotton mouth is setting in so I promise I won’t interrupt.

We decided to name you after the doctor on that TV show, Northern Exposure.

I am focused on his Hersheys candy bar stuck in the middle of his jar of JIF peanut butter.

I know the character. Dr. Fleishman. Yeah the TV doctor.

“You are Fleishman.”

Thanks, Jeff.

I am touched.

He’s finally going to say I am smart.

He is going to support my goal of medical school.

Awhhhh, Jeff.

I knew he secretly believed that I am a genius.

He shakes his head at me indicating I don’t get it.

It wasn’t a compliment on my genius.

What?

“You are such a fucking Fleishman because every time we get high, all that shit in your brain…, that shit comes out of your mouth, which is cool and all, but then you fucking talk

and talk

and talk.

And no one.

And Imma going be real with you, Fleishman,

(This is where his Arkansas southern drawl sneaks out).

No one knows what the fuck you are talking about when you go off on a Fleishman tangent.”

No one wants to hear about Herpes and Syphilis and shit.”

WHHHHAHHHTTT? – In my head.

I feel myself getting defensive.

Who? Jeff. Who else is going to save you from a dirty dick?

I know this, Mr. Stonermouth,

It’s my house that you will skate over to when it burns to piss, your dick feels like hot lava,

and you got open sores pussing around your balls.

“You are a buzzkill with the Fleishman shit.”

So, you ARE saying I am SMART, then?

Would you say X-Men smart or just simply GENIUS?

Stoner Jeff is so irritated he took his jar of peanut butter and chocolate spoon and left to watch the Simpsons with his cat, Thin Lizzy.