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You like highschool drama? This post is for you. (slight tw near the end. I'll put a warning before that part starts)
K so I've been best friends with the same girl since kindergarten. I'll call her Ava. We're sophomores in highschool now and tbh she's making me not want to be her friend anymore. Her behavior lately is atrocious. She's rude, mean, and oblivious. She freaks out and cries when confronted. She's never taken confrontation well but the overly bitchy attitude is sort of new. I started noticing her change a couple years ago. It became very apparent after we started freshman year. I had been out of state and doing online school (covid) for all of 8th grade so when I came back to find this massive bitch in my best friend's place, I was surprised.
For Freshman year, she was the only person I had the same lunch period with so ofc we sat together. It was just us two. It was fine for a while (she still annoyed me often but it was managable) untill her other friend, who I'll call Katie, decided she wanted to sit with us too. I've never been friends with Katie and I used to really dislike her but now I'm pretty neutral. I just don't like how Ava acts when Katie is around. She ignores everyone but Katie every single times she's there. When I had lunch with them, Ava ignored me basically everyday for the entire period. I wanted to get up and leave but I picked staying with them in the cafeteria over sitting completely alone outside. I guess it didn't really matter though because I was really alone regardless. I bet I looked dumb as fuck sitting there on my phone while those two were chatting it up across the table. I remember one day when Katie was tired and was scrolling through tiktok because she didn't feel like talking. That's when Ava decided to pay attention to me. She said something along the lines of "I like having both of you here so that when one of you has an off day I can just talk to the other one". I never had off days. She just chose not to talk to me.
Ava met Katie in 7th grade. That's a 3 year friendship. Ava and I have an 11 year friendship and she still tosses me away like a dirty napkin every time Katie becomes available. I dont think that a longer friendship equals a better friendship (obviously not 🙄), but 11 years of being bffs has to count for something. Now she has a new bff and she doesn't even try to hide it. She chooses Katie over me and all our other friends and she's extremely rude about it. We literally did everything together and watched eachother grow up and this is how she treats me. I've been there for her when she wasn't there for me and this is what I get in return. I trusted her and thought of her as a life-long, real friend and this is what I get. I told her things I never told anyone else. I did things with her that I never did with anyone else. We were like sisters. She told me she wanted to get matching tattoos on my 18th birthday. She still wants to do that. I don't think it's going to happen now. I don't really want one. She's not being tattoo worthy. I think our friendship is a joke at this point. She doesn't make me feel loved or supported like friends should. She just makes me feel mad, left out, and unimportant.
Our mutual friend, who I'll call Molly, is also severely under appreciated by Ava. They've been friends since 5th grade. I started being friends with Molly in 7th grade. She's now the closest thing I have to a best friend. She always has advice, support and loving arms ready for Ava at any given moment and yet, just like me, she's still taken for granted. Ava is the first and currently the only one in our friend group to have a driver's license and her own car. Sometimes Molly's parents can't pick her up and she can't ride the bus because of her big-time anxiety so she ends up having to ask Ava for occasional rides home. Ava apparently does something with Katie after school so she tells Molly she has to "check" with Katie to see if she can give her a ride. Katie is always number one even if someone else needs help. Molly's mom knows about the Ava drama. She told Molly to stop asking her for rides because she didn't want her to have to be a second priority. I'm glad I have Molly to go through this with me. At least it's not just me.
We're also friends with this other girl, Lauren. We met her at the beginning of the school year. Lauren is a Freshman. She's in Ava's PE class and goes to Molly's church. Ava is literally so rude to Lauren it's ridiculous. She says blatantly mean shit and passes it off as a joke. She gets defensive and even more rude if anyone says anything about it. Lauren is soft spoken and not a fighter so she usually doesn't say anything back. The one time she told Ava to stop, Ava of course made it a joke and made fun of Lauren for being annoyed about it. I try to interject and back up Lauren when I can without starting something more in the process. I've gotten pretty good at that tbh. Ava is so bold. She doesn't think before she speaks. One day reality will hit her in the face. That day is coming soon.
(Also at the beginning of this school year ->) Ava invited me to do a stuco thing with her. Want to know why she invited me? Because Katie couldn't go. What a shocker. Anyway, the stuco thing was basically all the stuco staff meeting up at the school to give a tour to incoming Freshmen and new students. At the start of the event we had to get all the kids in groups so we could organize everything. Ava and I were partners. Ava's job was to stand in the cafeteria with a big sign that had our group name, orange, on it. My job was to take a bunch of orange ribbons and go stand outside to hand them to the people just arriving so I could get them into our group. I had been outside for like 15 mins when the flow of people started slowing down. I was about to go back inside when I saw this girl with ORANGE hair. Obviously I took the opportunity to snatch her up into my ORANGE group. She told Ava and me that she had bad social anxiety so we checked on her every once in a while throughout the tour. I'll call her Lyn. Lyn is from a different state and she didn't have any local friends. We exchanged snaps and invited her into our friend group so she didn't have to be alone. Everything was chill for a few months until Ava essentially started ignoring Lyn too. It's as if once Ava feels like shes secured a person in her life, she moves on because she doesn't think they're going anywhere. Not a good mentality to have if you're trying to make friends.
Lyn has stuff she's going through. She needs friends, not someone ignoring her. One thing Ava does that makes me really mad is she'll just walk away from whoever she's with if she sees someone more "desirable". The unspoken rule is that we all wait for eachother in the courtyard in the morning before school starts. Ava, however, likes to leave people behind in order to walk with her..... other friends. Lyn comes to school a little later than the rest of us. She told me one morning that Ava kept looking back at her and then would just keep walking with whoever else she was with. I was absent that day but I've seen her do it before. I make a point to stay with Lyn when everyone else is walking ahead of her. I know she doesn't want to be left out but she also doesn't want to be chasing after someone who's just walking away from her. I hope she realizes that I'm staying with her on purpose. I don't want her to feel left out anymore.
A couple more things and then I have to go to sleep...
(tw:sh for the paragraph below)
Ava's "jokes" are really something else. One day (months ago) at lunch she jokingly told me to kill myself. Very funny (sarcasm). Not insensitive at all (sarcasm). Molly and Lauren got mad at her for saying that to me and Ava, being the genius she is, got all pissy and sulked for the rest of lunch. Top tier maturity. Coincidently this ordeal took place the same week that Lyn was out of school because she went to a psychiatric hospital. We didn't know until she came back the next week. Can you guess why she was there? A suicide attempt. In conclusion, "kill yourself" is never a joke.
(tw part over)
Lyn is currently in a different psychiatric place now. She's been there for a few weeks and is allowed phone calls and occasional weekend visits at home. Before she left she asked us if we wanted to be put on her call list. Molly and I said yes immediatly, Lauren got put on a little later, and Ava didn't really care if she was on it or not. Lyn was talking to me about how Ava seemed indifferent about the whole thing. Ava did end up on the call list and so far Lyn has been calling her way more than the rest of us. She called me once, Molly once, Lauren once, and Ava around 5 times. That blows my mind. Idk why Lyn would want to talk to Ava so much because she complains about her attitude with the rest of us all the time. Whatev. Lyn did seem happier though when I talked to her on the phone that one time. She said she felt so much better and that she liked her roomates and the staff. We have a groupchat with Lyn's mom where she updates us on how Lyn is doing since she knows more than us. I think the place she's at is very good for her. My only concern is that I don't want her to come back just to be surrounded by drama and fighting. I want the Ava crap to be over by the time she gets back. I will not allow Ava to ruin Lyn's progress. If I see her being even the slightest bit insensitive to her I will seriously freak out.
Lyn is coming home for this weekend and we're all planning on visiting her while she's here. Ava works every weekend and would rather take time off to do it on Saturday instead of Sunday because she likes working on Sundays. Molly and I both have plans we can't get out of on Saturday. I have a UIL competition from 12:30 to 3:00 and I can't skip that. Ava had a fit when I told her that because she's already made up her mind. Unfortunately everyone else's schedules don't revolve around hers. I know I'll be tired after UIL but I can suck it up and do it Saturday as long as its after 3, but I still don't know what time Ava will be off. We might have to visit on different days.
ALSO today Ava made some unnecessary joke/comment about me being late to school all the time (which I haven't been for a long time) and I've already told her not to do that. It's a struggle for me to get out of bed in the mornings. I'm not okay with someone joking about that. I told her to stop saying things like that and she tried to act shocked like I haven't already told her not to do that. I just walked away. I heard from someone else that she started crying after I left. Oopsie. Not sorry tho. If she doesn't want people to be annoyed with her then she should be more thoughtful.
Last weekend I hung out with her for almost a whole day (according to her I was the only one not busy 😐) and it was so fun. We went shopping and got lunch. I felt like we were friends again. That feeling lasted 2 days. Molly agrees with me that she's great one on one but as soon as we get into school, she's a different person with different priorities. It makes me sad. I want to feel like her friend all the time not just 10% of the time.
Katie is a military kid and she has to move to another state this summer. I have a feeling Ava is going to try to crawl back to me once Katie leaves. I don't want to be her rebound bestie. Highschool isn't like all the cute coming of age movies. This sucks (middle school sucks more). I feel like I have no one. I'm surrounded by people but no one's really there.
How should I talk to Ava about what she's doing? Molly wants to talk to her about it too.
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Tell Ava that she makes you feel left out and unimportant. Ava behaves this way because she has been getting away with it for so long. Why don't you all form a group and tell her that she can't get away with it any more. Or one of you write a letter to her telling her this and have everyone sign it.
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