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I still think about you almost every day. I brood over how I might be able to contact you again, even though sometimes I don't even know if I would actually want to reconnect with you. I mull over possible mutuals we may have through whom I could meet you again, in vain. Icl it was harsh how you just disappeared from my life without explanation that Tuesday in December - a funny way of showing that I was "one of the few actually nice people" in your life, quoting you. It was silly of me, I know, but I invested so much emotional energy (though I tried to force myself not to, from the start.) You were the first and only person I've ever genuinely liked like that and whenever there's a mention of crushes I still recall you, fgs. I do try to be rational and thank the fact that we never became more, because practically it wouldn't have worked. Meanwhile, you're likely to have forgotten about me. But ahhh here I am, looking everywhere for your social profile, and yet hoping I won't really reconnect with you - and you won't EVER find this post. I need to move on from this. I wish you gave me some sort of closure before you left but no, you suspended in a weird limbo. I tell myself you were only a temporary connection, someone to teach me an important lesson at a pivotal point in my life - and you sure taught me how to communicate diplomatically and stay humble. That's what I really admired about you. But I think we had different goals hence we wouldn't have worked more than friends. Though it was great fun being your friend at the time. Idk. I wish you stayed a friend. But do I? Idk. Really, I just want to know how you're doing. I mean for all I know you might not even be alive right now. I just wish you gave me a sign somehow, just to let me know you're faring well. That's all I truly care about. Other than that, it's alright. We don't have to stay friends. I mean, clearly you didn't want to haha, so I don't really want to be friends with someone who doesn't want to be friends with me either.
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moving on dont have to be instant sitting with it and adapting is good
ReplyThis resonates with me, too. My crush proofed out of thin air after phasing me out. That was 6 years ago. He doesn't have social media (he's a try-hard hipster, which is the only annoying thing about him--hopefully he's grown out of it) so I visit his dad's Facebook page every so often to see if anything noteworthy has been posted. I get the occasional hunting photos, male bonding fishing trips, family functions, etc but the real reason I visit is to feed into the impending doom of a wedding announcement. So far, we're in the clear but I know one day it will come.
My current crush has been phasing me out as well. We've been friends for 10 years and he's fading away even though I try to keep him relevant.
These crushes were both light hearted. I tried squeaking out hints but they were always awkwardly deflected. I often hear women complaining about the over abundance of male attention that they receive. Some women can't walk down the street in peace without being harassed with compliments, whistles, cat calls, etc. I have never experienced this. My best friend can't go anywhere without men swarming her. She sits in every corner, smoldering with RBF and they teem around her while I smile and speak nicely with everyone. The way I see it, everyone has a hierarchy in the world and they might not like where they fall. She might prefer to be left alone whereas I would love for my crushes to swamp me with affection. It's taken me a long time to come to terms with where I am on the social ladder. It hurts and feels unnatural but I am where I am and nothing can be done about it.
I miss my crushes. I wish I could see them again.
ReplyI just went through something similar, it gets better! don't you worry about anything everything is gonna be ok
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