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I kissed a man.
To be exact, I kissed my classmate who shared the same feelings as me.
It was 4 months ago that we confessed to each other and decided to be MU's.
I know I am infatuated.
I know he's using me for his studies.
I know he doesn't give enough efforts.
I know I crave more of him.
I know I'm not his priority.
I know I love him more.
He is an athlete, dumb, poor, fair looking. I'm an excellent student, academically intelligent, has a part time job, face? so-so.
To be honest, we don't have a label. We're not bf's and gf's but we kissed, many times at that (but not over the boundaries, u know*). Last year we have a lot of memories built and enjoyed sooo much, but this year, when he needs to join tournaments, we seldom see each other since he goes to places.
He would often talk about the future with me which allows me to think that he is serious about this relationship. But, he never pursue me.
I think I'm the one pursuing him. I kinda know I'm dumb at this. Like for example, I would cook for him weekly (last year), answer his school works, attend the mass where he serves as a sacristan (even though I'm not that religious), ALWAYS buying him food, going to his training grounds, staying late at night to watch him play even if I'm going to be scolded by my family, going to his grandfather's house and staying late again to have time with his family, getting to know his relatives and friends, accompanying him when he trains, helping him pass all his projects (which I kinda do most of the work), and lastly letting him be physically intimate with me (holding hands, hugging, kissing in the cheeks & lips ONLY!)
It seems like were in a relationship, but we are not.
For real, I'm not gaining anything out of this, I kept giving and giving so much to him and he's the only one benefitting from it. I'm typically a logical person. But whenever love is involve, I become an idiot. I don't like the way how he won't do the same for me, and by the way, he was my first kiss at that. If only he never make me feel that he wants this relationship to be long lasting, I should never have hoped that we will end up together, and take this as a minute and casual thing that teenagers would do.
He is not the man for me. I hate how he is gaining and experiencing an exclusive relationship from me without the responsibility, minus the label, minus the commitment.
I may sound like I'm asking too much of him, but is it alright for him to be receiving so much when the only thing that he put in a lot of effort for me was by accompanying me in going home late at night (which is always his fault, plus this is not all the time) he is not consistent.
The problem here is not actually him.
It's me.
I don't know how to end this infatuation.
What should I do?
Should I limit my actions? Should I ignore him? Should I tell him directly? Should I be busy? Should I act normal but with boundaries? Or just treat him like a normal classmate?
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Just tell him how you feel. It sucks when you're the only one that is putting any effort into the relationship. Ik from experience. Just tell him that you feel like your the only one trying in the relationship, and you're the only one pursuing the relationship. Tell him you feel more like a side, than the main dish. Maybe brake it off with him. He's obviously not that great to you. You seem to be the only one throwing in the towel. Maybe find someone that treats you like your the best thing in the world. That puts as much effort into the relationship as you.
ReplyJust tell him your feelings and break it off. If a man is into you, he will show it to you no matter how busy he is.
Reply