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In February I had an unexpected surgery which forced me to come back home and stay here for months so that I get appropriate care. Obviously I was really happy at first for the fact that I’ll be able to stay at home for such a long time but as time passed I started feeling demotivated. I just couldn’t get rid of the feeling that I might end up failing in life. I tried talking to my parents about it too and finally decided to leave my CAT preparations and instead join my father in his business. It’s scary to be honest, to leave everything I’ve been planning in an instant. I don’t really have any faith in my decisions due to past experiences. And as if this wasn’t enough my FOMO started kicking in. Whenever I saw any picture or videos of my friends enjoying I just started feeling so low. The more the days passed the more distant I felt from them. I knew that one day eventually we all will forget each other after our college years but it’d be the same for everyone. I never expected that I’d be the first one to face this that too alone since I can’t share it with anyone. I don’t really anyone as my close friend with whom I can share these things. To them I’m just the funny comedian friend who makes them laugh. Wish I had someone whom I trusted enough to share these with. Now I trust my parents of course but I can’t tell them this or to be precise I don’t want to. It’s because I know that they’d tell me to join my friends and stay with them from the following semester but the problem is that I don’t want to leave home. Yes I’m the problem. I want to stay at home and at the same time I don’t want to feel all left out seeing my friends enjoy. I wish I was different. I wish I knew how to chat with people and stay connected to them via socials but the reality is that I don’t. It’s very difficult for me to actually like a person completely. I always have a problem with everyone and because of this my overthinking gets worse. I just keep getting thoughts that no one really cares if I’m gone……To be honest I still think its true coz no one among my friends even bothered to call me or text me except for my roommate. And that day is not far when she’s going to forget me too bcoz she has changed a lot and unlike me she has a lot of people she can talk too. I just hate the fact that I’m an introvert bcoz this is the main reason behind most of my problems.
I just hope that one of the days in the future I get the friend I’ve always been looking for coz I really think that some of my problems would just vanish if I had that one person.
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