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I realise now there are two types of love.
One is calm, feels right and is just good for me. I do love him. I feel like I can genuinely have a great happy life with him, he’s going to be an amazing father and, the fact is.. we are engaged! And I’m so happy about it!
But sometimes… more times than I hope for, I think of the other love.
This love is passionate, mad and honestly toxic. It’s been 7 years since it’s over and I haven’t seen him ever since. We talked maybe 2 times since then and every time it feels uncomfortably unfinished.
I’m aware that this kind of love won’t make me happy but it would make me feel alive. I miss that.
I also know toxicity feels like that.
Why can’t I just live happily with the right kind of love without thinking of something that would never work?
What can I do about this? I feel I’m being unfaithful to my fiancé in my mind and I feel like I’ll never get over it.
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