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I am 18, I live full-time with my significant other. For reference, both of my parents died almost five years ago. I have no contact with my family because they are toxic, my boyfriend and I have just gotten evicted from the place we have been living at. On top of that, we have a car with an engine that has a manufacturer error which causes it to eat up oil in the car, the engine could die or catch fire at any point in time while driving the vehicle. This puts me in a bad place because now I do not have a car to continue working to make the money to move out of the place we are being kicked out of. In the heat of all of this, my boyfriend has started going on suicidal tangents, stating over and over that he wants to die, and wishing for something or somebody to take him out. I do not have anybody, and I do not know how to help him. I couldn't imagine where I would be if anything happened to him, I don't really have anybody else in this world outside of him. This all is so hard for me to deal with, I really have no idea what to do. Hence, the purpose of this entire post. His birthday is next month, he has the same birthday as my late mother, and both of their birthday's fall on Mother's Day this year, so i am sure you could imagine the pain i am feeling. Somebody, please help me. I am beyond sad, tired, and overwhelmed.
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Just sit and breath. Be with the reality of your situation. Resistance only magnifies your current dilemma. It is what it is and will gradually improve when you begin to regularly expect this. We get, or at least move toward, the things we think about most.
Life improves first on the inside with your mental narrative and then your circumstances will follow this lead. Its gradual and can be steady. This is your journey. You are your priority. Stay with your your mate as long as it is helpful for both of you. When this stops being the case, you need to, lovingly, move on without him.
Reread my words here several times. When you are calm, let me know and I'll say more and point you toward others that might be helpful.
ReplyHey. idk if youre still active but if you see this, can i please have the more you had to say? Currently in the same relationship, and it has only gotten worse
ReplyThe first thing you need to do is get financial help. There are plenty of resources to help you thru and find you suitable housing. Section 8 housing, while not desirable, is an option. I am not an expert on these matters, but stabilizing your living situation is crucial to brain space.
As for your car situation, if there is a current recall, you need to take advantage of it. If there is no current car recall, sell it for parts, and find a $3000 car. Not great, but will get you moving. Work-from-home opportunities are abundant at the moment, it can be difficult to get started. However, it would be a solution to the lack of a car issue.
As for the boyfriend, if you believe there is a serious threat to his life, you need to act. Otherwise, you need to sit him down and discuss everything that's going on. Suicide is an answer to the unheard. It's very possible if you can tell him all of whats going on, he could snap out of this. There are resources to help you thru financial hardship, it won't be luxurious but it will be a start.
I feel for you, I was homeless at 15 and didn't get a stable living condition until I was 19. It's hard, difficult, and frustrating. Sometimes the system moves too slow, sometimes it moves too fast. But I promise if you take it one at a time, you will come thru this. I see two young adults that are reacting to rapidly changing life circumstances, and what you need the most is re-assurances that you are going to pull through this. If you allow yourself to get overwhelmed and give up, it will take you.
I would also suggest a worry list, for both you and him. A journal that you can write in. Sit down together, and write all your worries out. All of them, even the irrational ones. Hand each other your notebooks, and both you and your partner will write solutions to those worries, hand your journals back, and read the solutions. Write your own solutions to your worries. Hand the journals back to your partner and allow them to read your solutions to your problems. Finally, hand them back and discuss solutions together. By the end of it, you should have three solutions to every worry you could possibly imagine. If you cannot realistically achieve the steps needed to fix the problem, then it shouldn't be a worry. If you can take realistic approaches to your worries, do so.
ReplyIs there an organization in your location that may be able to help?
Remain kind and patient with one another. While you may be in an unfortunate situation, it is temporary.
Reply