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I wrote this once but I had to log in so I lost it :(
Since I was little my mom has always been religious and so have I, but its been a few years since she passed and I'm starting to see all the holes in said religion. I feel guilty because I know my mom would disagree and be
heartbroken, I feel lost. am I going down a wrong path? Am I wrong for feeling this way??
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I grew up in a religious household. I didn't understand all the things they were saying, etc, but it still made sense to me. Regardless, I got older. The world distracted me.
I wasn't as strong in my faith, not because I didn't believe, but because I didn't know... how deep it goes. See, I got into other religions, none of them were fulfilling.
Just confusing me more.
So, one night, I start to think on Christianity again. I've heard (And SEEN) miracles happen in my family, so I did believe, but... well get there. Christianity videos all of a sudden are on my TikTok, and I would see people telling their stories, how they got to know Jesus (God), and basically the Gospel was... told to me in a way like it was my first time. But I knew it fairly well. From then on, something pulled me closer.
You could energetically feel a tug. Then this verse pops up, "Draw unto me and I will draw unto you." Draw closer to God and He'll draw closer to you.
I started thinking, "do I believe because my parents do or because I do?"
Boom. A prayer there. I wanted to believe because I do.
So, I left it at that until weeks after this event happens.
One night, I'm breaking down. I'm feeling all emotions, man, it was NUTS.
I'm standing up, pounding my fist, yelling. I did the most. But I'm venting all this to God. As I am standing, without ANY of my full control, NO INTENTION TO DO THIS, was pushed on my knees. Not in a rough way, but noticeable. For me to know I didn't do that. I get into prayer position by the corner of my bed. I (feel) a voice, (hard to explain) "pray about it." To shorten this, I prayed about telling my mom what's up.
I never had the courage to tell her before. As I finish praying, I felt a sense of BOLDNESS. And peacefulness. I get up QUICK and "march" into the living room where my mom is. I was pumped and ready. I sat her down, we had our talk. And she told me, she was praying for me to tell her what I've been through. Seconds before I prayed. That was the moment for me.
4 years after, many other events and funny moments had happened in my relationship with God. I hadn't been this crazy over Him, so I can guarantee I do love someone who is HIGHLY active and real in my life. See, I had to unlearn a lot about religion in order to know more about spirituality with Jesus. Praying to Him means you're literally starting a connection with Him. It can be a simple conversation to Him. You don't NEED to be religious, or try all sorts of drugs, or rituals, or climb up mountains just to find and talk to God. Sitting in silence with Him... that's the key.
You may not know what I'm talking about now, but there's a story called the prodigal son in the Bible. If you don't know it, it may give you some insight.
Don't worry. You'll find your way. This point is to SEEK and KNOCK and it will be given to you. It will be open to you. You are the only one who can make the first step.
A leap of faith. You're going to be okay.
ReplyThanks for sharing this. It is good to know.
Good thing that you pointed out is do we believe in God because others say or do we actually believe. And same would apply other way. Do we not believe in him because of others or we not actually.
Thanks again!
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