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I’m honestly thinking about ending it but I really don’t want to hurt my best and I have no way to make sure she’d be ok I love her so much and she’s the only person I really love other than my brother but I know he’ll be ok after I’m gone he’s strong like that but her idk, she’s strong but she’s strong with me by her side I’ve always protected her and held her up through all the bad shit that’s happened in her life I was always there to lean on but I’m tired everyone leans on me when things go wrong but I’m stuck by myself no one to lean on or who even cares. I love her so much but I can’t live like this and idk what to do I love her soo much she means the world to me but im suffering and I want it to end has anyone had things like this do you think she’ll be ok?
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The fact that you are worried about how your friend would feel from your departure is a good enough reason for you not to go through with it. Speaking as someone who's had friends who've ended their lives it devastated me. It's taken sometime for me to bounce back and come to terms with these things but who knows how your friend would handle it.
I know that things are tough for you right now. Things probably feel hopeless and despondent. And above all you just want the suffering to end.
However you still do have people that care about you. Your friend leans on you because she trusts you. You already know that those around you would have to deal with the survivors grief from your departure.
I really think you should seek out help. Please lean on either of the two individuals and ask for help. Be upfront, be vulnerable, and honestly tell them how you feel and what's going on. If they aren't immediately available please call a suicide hotline and talk to them. Sometimes just talking things out and having someone listen is enough to keep us going.
ReplyI can’t put it on either of them because my brother he’s my hero and I couldn’t let him know he failed to protect me and I can’t tell her because she’ll take it as me saying she’s not a good enough reason to stay then get mad at me and I’m worse off then I am now, thank you for replying all advice would help me figure it out
Reply"I couldn’t let him know he failed to protect me"
There's something strange about that statement but I won't pry. I hope that you are still doing okay. Please take it one day at a time.
ReplyDo pry wdym it’s a strange statement and I’ll try to explain
ReplyHere's what I gathered from that statement:
Your brother failing to protect you implies that you've made an 'attempt' before and he had to stop you from yourself. From that statement I also assume that you've told your brother about how you felt before and may have had the idea dismissed.
I don't know which one is the case but more importantly something inside you makes you feel like you aren't worth the time or energy to be helped. It's also telling you don't deserve to be loved either.
Neither of that is true.
On the topic of heroes, heroes come in two forms - big H and small h. I'll assume that your brother is a big-H to you. Heroes give us hope and nuture us when it's needed. Hope keeps us anchored and gives us that extra reason to keep on going. Don't you think you deserve a hero to come lift you up out of your current pit ? I believe you do.
ReplyI had things happen in the past that were bad and I don’t know how to explain but he took it upon himself to shield me from it but he couldn’t and I don’t want to see him when he finds out he failed, that I can’t take, things are starting to go up for him and everything is working for him and that’s the only reason I’m still here I wanted to wait till all the good in his life was set and I wanted to make sure my best friend would be ok and I’ve started to separate her from myself slowly disconnecting from everyone to make my leaving as painless as possible and soon it will all be perfect and yeah I did have a hero he was it but even superheroes fail sometimes but he remains the strongest and best person in my life but he lifted me up once it’s no longer his responsibility I couldn’t do that to him again so this way it’s better for him easier quicker and in the end happier thank you all for helping and person 1 your telling that your still ok makes me feel better thank you
ReplyI really do sympathize with you and your situation. It sounds like you really just want the pain to end. If I could sit with you and listen while you talk I would do so. I want you to at least reconsider holding on for their sake.
Please search for and watch these two Youtube videos for me.
"Anna Akana - Please don't kill yourself"
"Illneas - The morning after I killed myself"
ReplyOk I will thank you but I’ve made a decision I’ll wait at least till new year and then If I still feel this way it’ll happen thanks for your help and support your all mean a lot❤️🩹
ReplyI know you may feel alone but you don't have to go through your struggle alone nor should you. Please talk with others who have ideations or survived attempts. I nor anyone else on here wants you to become another statistic; you are simply more than that. You are uniquely human with special gifts. You may not feel that way right now but they are within you. I know that someone out there is waiting to receive those gifts from you. I truly hope you do reconsider and not go through with it.
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