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I always feel quite disconnected from my office, the staff in it and everything happening inside. Given. I barely even open my mouth to talk, let alone socializing with others. I literally only speak in the meeting and when people ask me something (which is also rare). Most of the time, I don't even know what's happening, even with the project I'm in, even with my works. I already gave my notice to resign, so I basically mostly just existing, doing works I don't even understand sometimes and counting days till this is over. Well, I'm the quiet (almost mute) kind of person in the office just staying in my cubicle doing my own things. But I'm not that kind who stay quiet but deliver all the tasks better than chatty people. I'm becoming more and more lazy, unmotivated every day at work. So I think I might come across as snobbish even to some people. Sometimes I don't care, sometimes I do care. And when I care, I feel so lonely and sad and stress.
But outside of work, I'm still being me, not being too quiet, especially with some close people who I'm actually quite chatty. I feel alive, not dead inside. Feel like since I've been working, most of my stress come from the work. But it's not like there's bad people at work or toxic environment whatsoever. I just start distancing myself from others one day and from there, my self-esteem hit really low, and I become more unserious with my work.
My life outside of work going just as it was normally, but I slowly feel the stress, insecurity and low self esteem slowly slipping in to my daily life too. Well, finding help or at least someone else to talk to about this, is not easy, for me. Maybe that's just an excuse but also I always brush off the thought.
I sometimes cry, filled with sadness when I think about this, but sometimes, like now as I'm writing, I don't really feel anything, kinda disconnected.
So that's my rant, just want to let it out of my mind. If you have anything to say about this, I don't even mind if you just scold me or slap me with the reality. Or if you want to state my negative thoughts or behaviors in this, just feel free to comment if you want. If not, then it's also fine.
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Why? Only u can answer this.
ReplyI know. It's mostly because of my attitude and thought. I know from the beginning it's my fault in a lot of things and why I feel like this. I just keep denying or justifying things.
ReplyYeah it sounds like work and stress taking it's toll on you. Do you have anything going on outside of work ? If not you may need to keep yourself busy with some hobbies.
Reply