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I actually don't even mind Chicago, i've met really amazing people here but that's the easiest thing that came to mind when i tried to summarize how i'm feeling. It's more simple to catagorize Chicago as the problem when it's this damn school. lack of sleep, overworking myself, calling home and seeing my moms reaction to my purple under eyes and tear stained cheeks. I'm so tired of the 6am nights in the studio.. spending the entire night painting something just to not even go to class the next day because i'd rather die than show my classmates something that doesn't represent me. I want to go home but also keep the friendships i've made here. Is that selfish of me? What if i decide not to come back here next semester.. Will we still be friends then? God, I hope so. Transferring seems scary too. Ill be closer to home but art kids are weird. I'd know, I am one. Idk. I shouldn't even be spending my time writing this. Frankly, I don't have the time. I have 2 papers due tomorrow that i haven't even began to start but i need to continue to get these feelings off my chest. I got an email about a class i enrolled into for next semester. It's the wrong one so i have to change it, but theres only one open that i'm eligible for and the time clashes with my painting course.. Am i supposed to give up one of the only classes i chose for this? It seems like I cant win. I just want to go home. I will stop blabbering on now.
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