I DIE EVERY NIGHT AND WAKE UP NEXT MORNING TO DIE AGAIN.

MY LIFE HAS BEEN VERY BAD SINCE I GOT EFFECTED BY BAD THINGS, THEY REMOVED IT BUT STILL, I FEELT THINGS AROUND ME, WAAS SENSITIV TO THINGS, CANT WALK OUTSIDE BUILDINGS WITHOUT PROTECTING MYSELF.

HAVE A FATHER WHO IS GONE IN HIS MIND, STILL THINKS HE IS DOING THE RIGHT THINGS FOR THE FAMILY, OUR FAMILY IS IN A BAD SHAPE, MY SISTERS, LEFT THERE FUTURE TO LIVE IN ANOTHER COUNTRY, BECAUSE OF THEM NOT BE ABLE TO BE SUPPORTED OR LOOKED AFTER, FINAANCILY AND OTHERWISE, HAVE ONE BROTHER WHO WENT NUTS, AFTERH TAKING TO MUCH DRUGS, ARE PARNOID, HE IS GONE COMPLETELY WILL NEVER RETRIVE I THINK, LIVING IN HIS PARANOIA DAILY, HAVE MY FATHER ARE GETTING OLD, AND CONFUSED, HE ALWAYS DO THINGS, AND CANT UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU SAY TO HIM, HE IS HALF GONE OF ALL THE CRAP THEY MADE ON HIM, IT CAN NOT BE REMOVED BECAUSE HE HAS BEEN EFEECTED FOR SO LONG ITS PART OF HIM, I SEE THAT DAILY, MY MOTHER HAS CANCER, FOUND OUT THIS YEAR, NOT THE SERIOUS TYPE BUT SILL, VERY WORRING, SHE GETS MEDECIN, ONLY I AND MY FATHER KNOWS, NO OF THE FAMILY KNOWS, MY FATHER IS WASTING HIS MONEY ON FANTASY TO BUSINESS, DEALS THAT IS UNLOGICAL, AND

DECIDE THINGS ON HOW HE FEEL, AND ARE TO NICE WITH PEOPLE WHO TAKE ADVANDTAGE OF HIM, ONE AFTER ANOTHER. HE SEEMS BLIND TO WHAT IS HAPPENING, CANT GET ANY HELP, WANT TO HELP MY FAMILY, SEEING HIM, GOING DOWN LIKE THIS FUCKING HURTS ME BAD, AND SEEING MY MOTHER AND FAMILY STRUGGLE, THE MOST HURTFUL IS I KNOW, I CAN HELP, AND TRY, BUT BECAUSE I SWEAR TO GOD, I GO TROUGH THINGS PEOPLE CANT EVEN IMAGNE, THINGS YOU SEE ON HORRO MOVIES, ARE EFFECTED AND BOTHERED BY THESE BAD THINGS, I WISH EVERY NIGHT THAT I WOULD JUST LEAVE THIS PLACE, LIFE, I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT I CANT DO ANYTHING DIRECTLY THAT WOULD LEAD TO ETERNAL PUNISHMENT, I DONT REALLY WANT MY ETERNAL IFE IN A BAD PLACE THATS WORST THEN THIS,

I LOST VERYTHING LIKE WHATS IMPORTANT, AND WHAT , I AM TOTALY BURNED BY THE SHIT I DEAL WITH DAILY, I DONT MEAN FAMILY, I WISH I WAS FUCKING NOT EFFECTED OR SO FUCKING SENSETIV TO ENERGIES,

AFTER BEEING IN THESE STATES, AND EFFECTED, THEY USE YOUR FEAR AND YOUR REACTIONS AGAINST YOU, THEY BOTHER YOU, THEY MAKE THINGS DROP OF MY HAND, I CAN EPELEPSI ATTACKS, I CAN GO TO ANYONE FOR THIS, HAVE GONE TO SO MANY, WHO KNOW ABOUT THIS STUFF, I

SEE MY LIFE GO BYE, AND DIE EVERY NIGHT, AND FEEL LIKE DYING EVERY DAY, FROM SEVERE CHOCK, TO BODY ATTACKS TO CONFUSION, THE MOST BIZZARE THING IS I KNOW, I AM AWARE WHEN THIS SHIT IS HAPPENING, I AM JUST WATHING IT, I AVOIDED DOING BAD STUFF, OR SEEING BAD THINGS OR SPEAKING ANY NEGATIV STUFF, OR LIE OR WHATVEVER, IT SEEM TO COME WHEN I LOSE MY FOCUS OR PAYING ATTENTION TO MUCH, ITS LIKE A TRANCE STATE, WHERE YOU FEEL GONE.

I LIVE IN A FUCKING PRISON, SEEING PEOPLE TALKING DONG NORMAL STUFF, FORGET MY LIFE, THETHING THAT HURST THE MOST IS SEEING MY FAMILY GOING DOWN, LIKE THIS AND GETTING MORE AND MORE WORSE, MY MOTHER IS TO OBSESSED OF MY FATHER FOR LEAVING HER, HE ALWAYS JOKES, AND SERIOUS ABOUT GETTING MARRIED AGAIN, HE INSULT HER DAILY EVEN NOW WHEN HE KNOWS SHE HAS CANCER, HE STARTS TO FORGET ALOT LATLEY,

i DONT KNOW, WHAT TO DO, ITS LIKE A WAR DAILY, IN MY LIFE WITH THESE THINGS AND HAVE TRIED ALMOST EVERYTHING I CAN THINK OF, AND READ, I SHIFT LIKE A FUCKING ENERGY FIELDS, I SENSE IT TO MUCH, CANT BE AROUND ANY THING NEGATIV, OR ANYTHING OLD, OR CREEPY PLACE,

MY FATHER USE MY CONDITION AS TO SAY HE WAS RIGHT THAT I SHOULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING DIFFRENT I LIFE WHEN I WAS YOUNGER THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER, HE JUST BRINGS OLD STUFF UP SAYING WHAT IS SHOULD HAVE DONE, BUT CANT REALLY SPEAK TO HIM, ABOUT ANYTHING SERIOUS, I OWE HIM, AND MY MOTHER FOR BRINGING ME UP.

I JUST FEEL SO GUILTY NOT TO HELP MY FAMILY WHEN THEY ARE MOST NEEDING HELP.

I TRY EVERYDAY DIFFRENT WAYS, OF HELPING THEM, AT THE SAME TIME, COPING WITH THE SHIT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH PERSONALLY,

I ASK GO EVERYNIGHT TO SOMEHOW HELP ME, OR RETURN ME WHERE I CAME FROM,.

I AM REALLY TIRED, OF BEING IN A WAR ZONE IN MY OWN SPACE ALL THE TIME.

I REALLY LOST EVERY ASPECT OF WHAT YOU CALL SELF, BECAUSE OF THE DEGREE OF SHIFTS, AND DIFFRENCE IN EXPERIENCE I HAVE HAD AND HAVE EVERY DAY.

ONLY TIIME DURING THE DAY, THAT I CAN BE LITTLE BIT MD ORE ALIGNED IS WHEN ITS BETWEEN 9 CLOCK AND AFTER LUNCH TIME, FOR A FEW SECONDS, SEE SOMETHING FUNNY OR FORGETING THIS, IS MY NORMAL TIME SPAN, A FEW MINUTES DAILY THEN OTHER TIME, DOING MY WORK, YES I WORK, VERY RESPONSIBLE POSTION, BUT I HIDE MYSELF IN DIFFRENT ROOMS, TO COPE WITH THE EFFECTS, SOMETIME, I FEEL LIKE PARALYSED CANT EVEN SPEAK, OR MOVE MY BODY, STILL I CONVINCE MY SELF, OR SAY SOMETHING HOLY A COUPLE TIMES, OR CHANGE MY INTETION OR FOCUS , I CALM DONW, THEN GO BACK TO WORK.

I DONT HAVE AN ANGEL TO LEAN ON, MY OLD LIFE BEFORE THIS, THE WAS JUST I AND ME THINKING, NORMAL.

NOW THATS GONE, ITS LIKE AM MORE DIMENTIONAL IN MYSLEF.

I WISH THAT I NEVER NEW ANY SPIRUTAL STUFF, OF THIS FANTASY SHIT,

I JUST RJIGHT THIS DOWN, I DONT KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN,

I LOST EVERY PART OF PERSON, I WAS OR, I BEHAVE LIKE I AM FINE,

WHEN YOU GO BEYOND THE REALITY LEVEL, ITS VERY HARD TO GO BACK TO NORMALITY, ITS NOT EVEN POSSIBLE, IT LIKE WHEN YOU EXPOSED TO SOMETHING, YOU CANT FORGET IT, BUT THIS IS NOT A MEMORY THIS IS REALITY FOR ME DAILY.

I AM NOT DOING ANY DRUGS, AND HATE EVERYTHING THAT CAN EFFECT YOU, ITS A LOWERING OF WHO WE ARE I BELIVE.

NOW TO THE ONES, WHO KNOWS, AND ONES WHO FEEL.

I DONT KNOW, WHAT TO SAY, I USED TO BE FREE BUT MY EYES WHERE CLOSED NOW I AM AWAKE BU IN PRISON, I CANT GET OUT OFF, OR LEAVE BY DYING.

I KNOW THAT MIGHT SEEM, LITTLE OFF, AND MAYBE TO WIERD , BUT I SWEAR ON EVERY DAY THAT I WAKE UP, THIS IS JUST LITTLE BUT OF WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME DAILY.

I DONT ASK FOR HELP.

I JUST WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOUR COMMENTS, WRITE WHAT EVERY YOU WISH.

LOVE TO ALL ALWAYS,

BLIND TO SEE BUT LISTEN CAN HEAR WHEN THE NOTHING IS AROUND.