fixing people and diets the insufferable way

first things first I wanna keep this light-hearted. my big mentally ill need for approval and control manifests in this balls-to-the-wall savior complex, where I meddle in the lives of my friends like Jane Austen protagonist with more sarcasm and none of the fancy dresses: a sort of archetypal smothering mothering upturned nose busybody that probably makes you feel bad about yourself while trying to do the opposite, or so I have discovered. I've recently realized that perhaps my interference in my friends' lives isn't what they want and perhaps when they come to me with a problem I am not expected to fix it... however, I can't not fix it. I have a pathological need to make people feel better, even if it's not what they want at the moment.

for example, a friend of mine is trans and she wanted help picking out her new wardrobe so I sent her a detailed and comprehensive guide to the basics of women's clothing, makeup, and seasonal colors, along with a list of gender-inclusive underwear brands, and makeup tutorials, which I provided in a 16-page google document. I guess I could have just told her a few things about basics or whatever, but I thought it would be better to explain everything I could think of. I didn't realize that this may have come across as condescending and overbearing.

I think I have this obsession with control because I used to struggle with anorexia. like I was maniacal about it. I would not eat all day and then do varsity swim team after all through high school. After extensive therapy and my friend's mother dying from complications caused by bulimia, I went the recovery route of becoming good at cooking and cooking for people I care about to fix my relationship with food. This is partially because that friend's mom would often bake sweets for us as kids. so my love of cooking and nutrition comes from a very important place.

my roommate was a fussy eater until she met me as well and we worked together to get her more into food and better at trying new things and it worked really well. So, when a friend of mine expressed interest in eating a more fiber-heavy diet for better bowl movements I wanted to help.

The problem is, she only likes spaghetti, sausage rolls, and plain chicken. I'm struggling with a fussy eater. which I totally thought I could handle because I did it before. the problem is this friend hates being wrong. so when I tell her her diet is what's leading to the problems and that the only way to fix it is to eat more vegetables she gets offended and starts losing her shit over it. so whenever I was over I would cook healthy meals and make her eat them, but I knew she was just eating sausage rolls when I wasn't.

Tonight I was talking about how I've struggled with vaginismus, it's something I'm insecure about, but working on, like really trying hard, and my friend brings up her bad diet again. I shouldn't have been as smothering as I was about it, but she mentioned it right after I was talking about something I struggled with so I felt like I had to help.

I sent her a week-long meal plan that we could do together, which I think she found offensive. I worked really hard to come up with recipes she would eat and I was kinda proud of it. I guess that maybe she felt like I was babying her, but I thought it could be something fun for us all to do as a group because I haven't felt super motivated to eat breakfast recently and everyone needs a more balanced diet. however, I don't think she Is quite as self-improvement-minded as I am, and she was already defensive about my critiques of her meals before.

I hate watching people do things that harm them and I feel the need to help, but I think I need to maybe figure out some way to be less overbearing. even if it goes against who I am fundamentally.