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I can't say what I feel. Not without feeling misunderstood or feel like I did something wrong by expressing how I feel. Which I know is not wrong to do and very healthy to do as a matter of fact, but that's just how things have been recently. I know things will get better eventually, but I am not a patient person and all this time going by feels longer than it should be. Yes, I want to run away. I want to live a different live for a little. Although, I would like to come back to my live eventually but I just need a change of pace. Something to look at from a different perspective. I wish that I didn't exist. I don't mean that in a suicidal way. I wish that I could just quite literally disappear with no thought or memory left in existence of me. So that way I could leave this world with no sorrow of any kind. No one that actually loves we will have a single memory of me so there will be no sadness from their part. I just want to be in heaven. In eternal bliss, but once again. I must wait till it is my time to go. I will continue to move through out my day facing all of my adversities but will hate every second of it while still trying to live in God's image. Help me.
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I think many of us feel misunderstood. Many of us are too worried about the rejection that may come if people really know us. We miss out on many opportunities to really connect with others. I could be wrong but perhaps your troubles could be a sign that God wants you to find someone here on Earth that you can connect with.
Ecclesiates 4:10
For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.
Though this life is temporary it is through our interdependence with others that we can lessen the weight we carry. Though the Lord gives us our trials and struggles he certainly does not want you to fight them alone and feel isolated. Friends have a powerful way of providing us with a different perspective that allow us to keep going. Perhaps you should reconsider not opening up and allow others to fully enter your life.
ReplyYou're putting too high expectations on yourself by all this God's image stuff. It's not do-able. Be realistic and grounded.
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