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What is it like living in a war zone? Well it's not like in the movies. You don't exactly see any explosions or gunshots or fighting. You just hear the sounds and pray it's far away. And if you leave your home, your safety, you might see military cars passing by, soldiers walking on foot in the streets, and if the fighting was nearby, you might come across bodies scattered on the floor from both sides.
It's been how long? I'm not sure. April 15th, that is when our life was turned upside down. I was on my way to get braces done. A decision that felt like it took a lifetime to make. My father was very much against it, but in the end he caved. My mother, who has always cared about her appearance and that of her daughters, was on my side. In the end a beautiful face is what gets you that rich husband and closer to that perfect easy life every girl dreams of, right? It was becoming obvious my looks weren't getting me closer to that goal. In the end, I was 6 months away from graduating and never once did a guy say he liked or wanted. Actually, one guy did, then he changed his mind. Nonetheless, thank you for the glimpse of hope you put in my heart.
So I woke up early, tired from the fasting and sleepless nights, because it was the holy month. I got dressed, trying to regain confidence in myself. It was a major decision to get braces. After all, it's a treatment that will take about two years. I'd be 25 by the time I complete it. 25, haha. How many dreams I thought I should have accomplished by that age. I can't blame the war for that anyway. So I went to my mother, emotionally ready to get into the same argument we've been over and again for the past week, "You can't go alone to the appointment!" "Why don't you postpone till after your sister's dinner with her friends?" "Why don't you wait until the holy month is over and life is back one normal?" "I don't think you need braces, you teeth look better now after the fillings."
They were all solid arguments but I didn't want to back down no matter what. I've done so many times, too many times. I was once at the orthodontists clinic five minutes away from getting those brackets places on my teeth before I changed my mind. But this time I was sure. I prayed day and night, throughout the holy month, that if this was in my benefit, I would go on with it. If not, God would place a tremendous obstacles in my way that would stop me from moving forward with this. I couldn't imagine a single thing that could happen that would lead to me changing my mind or not being able to get them done.
I kept thinking, what could possibly happen? What obstacles could God put in my way that I wouldn't be able to overcome? The doctor would travel, move away? I'd find another one. We'd run low on cash? I have my savings. My mind was set. There was nothing that could happen that would stop me.
The answer was a simple three lettered word.
War.
That's what happened. Something I would have never expected.
War.
The word is still heavy and I can't bring my mind to fathom it. War. Armed conflict. Bombings. Heavy arms. Gunshots. Military Aircraft. Missiles. Tanks in the streets. First no water. Then no power. And soon low supply of food. Civialions displaced from the capital. Border-crossing. It's get more real with each passing day.
At first it felt like a joke. Conflict between political figures that would resolve in a week or two weeks time max. I mean isn't that what happen before? It was just a week. And life went back to normal. Little did I know there was a major difference between the word "conflict" and "armed conflict". That's when I first understood the meaning of "civilian". It simply means unarmed. Unable to defend oneself if attacked used arms. Thats when you surrender. You give in. You do what they ask of you. Your pride, your status, your money, your knowledge, your fame, you renounce everything that makes you you and claim the only title that really matters, "I am a civilian." That just might get you out safely. As long as you understand it. As long as you truly understand what it means to be an unarmed personal in a war zone. You are truly powerless. So you don't take chances.
Naturally it doesn't sink in at first. I mean isn't the first stage of grief denial? You're in shock. You're life has been turned upside down in a matter of hours. But slowly the war that you thought was a remote idea, happening in other places like Ukraine, so so far away from you. Slowly those news you watched, those tweets you once read becomes you're reality. All your worries about your life, your job, your future, your love life, those relationships you could never figure out. All of it lose any meaning they ever had. The only thing heavy on your mind is one thing and one thing only.
Safety.
Where is the safest place possible? Our home, our relatives'? Should we leave? Which road is the safest? Which state is safest? How can we travel? Which border is safest? Is it safe to be girls on our own? Is it safe to take our passports and phones? Were is it safest to hide our money and valuables?
The hardest decision you could ever take is to leave your number one safety, your home. Because what's outside is unknown. The news lie. The media lies. People lie. Everyone is just telling one side of the story. No one can be trusted. What other side of the story is awaiting you just outside your door? Suddenly that question you often hear when one is afraid to take a big step is terrifying. They used to ask, "what's the worst that could happen?". The answer might seem obvious, "death" but thats not what is terrifying. It's the fact that if you, a loved one or any companion of your travel, dies for whatever reasons you must carry on. There's no going back after you leave your safety. You just move forward. There's no time for pain, no time for grief, no time for feelings or emotions. The uncertainty of the road demands that of you. You must carry on, move forward. Tell your tale when you reach safety, if you do.
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