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I am exhausted. I have so much going on in every part of my life, I don't even know where to begin. But I have five minutes to get it down, so I'd better get into it. I'm in the final year of my Master's degree. I am the busiest I have ever been in my life hands down. At school, a lot of the classmates treat me poorly and talk about me behind my back. I'm not the only one they do it to either, they treat my friends that way as well. I don't even want to talk in class anymore, and I used to love going to class. I can't tell the professors because I know that the people who are doing that have the professors' favor, and I will be blamed for it. My mom is dating a man who I do not trust, and she told me that she caught him looking at my ass, but then she got mad at me for being upset. So now I'm not comfortable around either of them. I've noticed that my mom has no boundaries around men, and when she's dating someone she gets very clingy and if things go poorly, she treats me poorly. If things go well, she ignores me now. I can't blame her because she's had an incredibly hard past three years, and having someone who likes her must feel really empowering. However, it is coming at the expense of our relationship. I wouldn't mind if not for the fact that we used to be extremely close and I still live with her. My brother (who I also live with) is dating an awful woman who abuses him and he refuses to leave her, so he's drinking most of time or yelling in his bedroom (which I can hear through the walls). I lost three friends last year, due to me either cutting them off or them just ghosting me. The friends I cut off, I found out some stuff about them that made me lose all respect for them. So I have two friends now I can go to for help. At my work, everything is chaos and people are leaving or quitting, and I am so burned out I had to ask my supervisor for a decrease in the workload. My therapist is on vacation during all of this. As if this wasn't enough, I forgot my best friend's birthday. I feel awful about it, and here's the thing- I forgot about it, but I remembered a week before! However, as soon as I remembered I told her I had forgotten about it, and that's how she knew. I spent the next few days before her birthday trying to scramble to make up for it but she wasn't having it. So now she's upset with me, and she told me she doesn't want to talk to me. I'm so tired. I feel like nearly every support I have is either gone, not someone I can rely on, or not someone who is available to me right now. I feel like I'm messing everything up. I don't know why things are so hard. I am the most tired I have ever been, and no one in my life understands because no one gives me time to explain. The only friend I have who knows absolutely everything that's going on, and who I feel comfortable confiding in, is in another state right now and incredibly busy with their own life. I am wondering why I am even bothering to try at life. I try so hard, and yet it seems like things are only getting worse. I feel like I will never be truly happy.
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ReplyThings are hard because you are looking only at the negative things in your life. When you look at the positives in your life and make them the priority you won't see life as being so hard.
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