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I'm still thinking about you, knowing you weren't real and that person I met is never gonna get back. Why did you do it so perfect? That was one moment in my life when I literally thanked god for just it being as it is and I wanted nothing more. Little did I know I fell in love with an initial love bombing version of you which will soon be lost forever for me and I'll never be able to find him again. I just feel what if things were different, sometimes I just feel so angry and upset that you were so selfish and things just changed for you the bery moment I left that state. I don't know what went wrong and a month or two I just kept wondering if I did something wrong. I was devastated hearing what my therapist then said, that the version of you initially will never get back. I might get glimpses here and there but never that old you back, the guy who said he loved me unconditionally, said he never met anyone like me, he said he misses me every moment and every little thing reminds him of me. That was just an illusion and it's sad. I should hate you for what you did to me, but a part of me just defends you over and over again. I'm trying to convince myself that I don't love you.
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Okay why did i write this?! yoo you've literally poured everything which i wanted to say and ive nothing to say but its okay to defend him its okay to love him even if he doesnt deserves it cuz its your love no one has a say in it not even him
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