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life is so hard, yet it’s not hard, it’s hard BECAUSE it’s not, things are fine, yet it hurts me most days to simply exist, i am embarrassed to be alive and taking up room.
there’s no stuff to fix, i’ve fixed it and everything’s fine and life looks up for me, the universe holds me and congratulates and then it looks me in the eye with guilt because it knows what it did to me and none of this will last.
i am the problem, i fix everything but i can’t fix me, i will never know anything but guilt over achieving everything i needed and yet letting everything still just be pain. i don’t get it
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I get you, I get you a lot actually. Feeling this when you don't have a reason to is so unbearable and frustrating, and that frustration just leads to an annoying downward spiral.
You're lacking purpose right now, a fire that will rekindle the passion and reoccupy your mind with something healthy, rather than the depression you're currently experiencing. Now I'm no professional, but it may feel like there's no point in changing the course of your life and being happy again. trust me because you're happy, you'll be so glad you're alive. You will find a purpose eventually, you'll find and you'll love it. Im sure you can do it. All it takes is the willingness to start working on yourself first. (remember not to pressure yourself into anything, or feel the need to find a reason to live or a reason to justify your sadness. if you're sad, then you're sad, validate yourself and find healthy ways to cope. I recommend talking to someone you trust)
Believe me when I say I'm no good at any of the above, and I seriously suck at taking my own advice, but id like to try. i'm sick of this feeling too.
Replyit’s strange, i guess because i’ve been sincerely and utterly and truly DEPRESSED in my lifetime and yet this is not that, like after getting myself out of every hole i’ve ever been in, feeling sincerely content with the way things are for me, i still can’t ever truly feel like i exist outside of depression, i still entertain suicide at any minor inconvenience, even when i’m not in a place in my life where that’s something i actually consider, it’s still a thought and it’s so draining to think this is how i’m supposed to live the rest of my life, full of bad times and some good times that aren’t even that good.
i hope both of us find whatever we’re lacking in this lifetime, it’s just bleak to think this is as good as it gets
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