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April fifteenth. The day my life changed forever, and i’m still wondering whether it was for the worse or better. I’d like to think it was for the better, but we all know it wasn’t. Having you so close to me made my head spin, i finally had you right there, in touching distance. i was so close but so far. you left me nauseous. the acknowledgment that you were less than a foot away from me left me sick for days on end. i had you right there. you made me the happiest i’d ever been, and now i know, the happiest i ever will be. i will never love anybody that way ever again. weeks went by and you cut all contact with me. you didn’t give a single explanation. you know what i did? i went to church. i have never been a religious person in all my life, but you fucking made me go to church. i begged and pleaded, i tried to bargain with whoever is up there. “don’t let me lose him” i prayed and prayed for hours. i held on for as long as i could. i had faith for days longer than i can count. i gave everything just to have you back, and still, i cannot find you. some nights, i still dream of you. last night was the fourth night in a row, and tonight may just be my breaking point. why don’t i exist to you? why do you talk to everybody in the room but me? i asked every question out loud and in my head, but i can’t seem to find the answers. i’ve gone to everyone i trust, and it’s always the same “forget about him, focus on yourself” and nobody understands. i was happiest when i had you. you meant the whole world to me. i’d give anything if you just came back.
i love you still, i always have and i think i always will.
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Stop being desperate and allowing feelings and emotions to rule you. Just let it go and move on. People who care about you won't abandon you and you will see those people are few and far between. Suck it up buttercup. Be in control and depend on logic and reason even if it's not what you want. Want what's best for you and never settle for typical.
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