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Me
8 years ago · 0
1034
Have you had that longing in your heart for something? And that something remains a mystery and you ponder every day and you're just like, "Talk to me heart, I want to make you feel better." I think I have figured out that silent calling from my chest.
I am a chess piece. To be poked and played with until someone doesn't need me anymore. I live my everyday life doing the same moves and the same routine. I wake up and fight with my mom because I can't have the car or because I want to sleep for an extra 10 minutes. Then I go to school.
I feel like I am destined for something greater, but I no longer have the motivation to do anything. I want to do something crazy. I want to be in the dirtiest part of a big city with a bridge where you can feel a fall breeze blowing around me. I want to sit at the very spot and pass a cigarette around with my friends. I want that. Instead, I am left with a stack of books and nothing to show for it, not yet anyway.
I don't know who I am anymore, or what I want. I am battling myself endlessly and nobody can tell. They all think I am upset with them, or what's going on in my life right now and I continue to let them think that because I can't explain it to them; they will never understand me. Selfish, I know. I say that I don't anyone to know, but I do. Just a certain person, but I don't want to engage because we aren't really on talking terms right now. Because of something I did. More or less the both of us, but it was mostly me.
The emptiness inside of me feels like there is no solution. I am surrounded by people, but it's like I have no one there. I am alone. He's gone </3. She's gone. I don't know what to do... So, truly, I have no idea what the calling is in my chest. I don't know if I ever will.
-Sorry if this is all jumbled and doesn't make any sense.
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